I had an identity crisis after having my son in 2017.
In 2005 God called me to full-time ministry with Cru. I was in my senior year of college and I had an intense conversation with God during a time of Bible study and prayer that led me to this belief. My former youth leader and those she worked alongside confirmed my call when I reached out to her and was soon after offered an internship. By the time my internship ended and was offered a full-time position with Cru’s high school ministry, I thought I would be a lifer–someone who would serve in that same position until retirement…and maybe even a little after. I was sure I would be sharing the gospel and discipling teenagers for the rest of my life. That’s how strong I felt the pull to full-time ministry.
The reality is that God calls us all to disciple others, whether it’s full time or not.
Jesus said,
“Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you.”
Matthew 28:19-20 (ESV)
While God calls us all to share the gospel and make disciples, I have realized that there is no clear-cut method of drawing people to Jesus for all seasons of life. God calls even the youngest of believers. A teenager is uniquely equipped to reach others for the gospel in a way that is different from a mom of young children. As a young twenty-something adult when I was called, I was in a special position to reach teenagers just as a mom with adult children is in a special position to reach younger moms. I’m not saying there’s not older people reaching teenagers, or younger moms reaching other younger moms, just that there are different seasons of life where your ministry is going to look different than others.
After about six years working with Cru, God called me to leave. My financial support had dwindled and I didn’t have the fire in my belly for what I was doing. I had a newfound calling to use my gift of writing to reach people with the gospel and didn’t see a place for me to do that with Cru. While my season for that particular ministry ended, my call to working with teenagers didn’t end there.
For the next six years I spent countless hours volunteering with the middle school ministry at my church. This is how I met my husband, and I felt strongly about serving alongside him with the youth. However, by the time I gave birth to my son, I had become burned out from youth ministry.
I figured I would take a break from youth ministry for a while in the first few months of my son’s life. However, I got really sick after giving birth and ended up in the ICU for nearly three weeks. I nearly died! Two years would go by before I fully recovered.
While I had been praying for a child for years, I wasn’t prepared for the way motherhood would change my life. I now had someone else whose needs were greater than mine. I hadn’t expected how this great life transition would affect my calling as a disciple of Jesus Christ.
By that time, my husband and I moved on from the church where we met and served in youth ministry and kind of floundered between congregations for a few years. In fact, the pastor of one of the churches we tried going to greatly hurt us when he failed to handle a conflict with another congregant well, and made settling into a new community even harder. Not only was I not engaging in an official ministry, my family was church-homeless and licking our wounds.
In 2020 I finally found a body of believers where I felt I could heal and grow in my faith. My son loved the Sunday school and from the pulpit came solid, line-by-line teaching from the Bible. I started going to the women’s Bible study and feeling connected to the church’s community. However, I didn’t see where I fit as a servant of Christ there. I knew that I was called to disciple others, but I didn’t see an obvious place for me to serve. It had been three years since Arthur’s birth and I felt like I had failed in my duty to follow God’s command to minister to others.
Around that time, I had a strong urge to start taking my blog seriously again and post regularly. As soon as I started sharing about what God had been doing in me and through me during my trials of nearly dying after my son’s birth, being hurt by that pastor, and being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, people started responding with thanks for drawing them closer to Jesus through my stories and reflections.
I had a revelation! While the way I reached others for the gospel was not connected to an official organization, my writing had a very real and effective impact on others. I found clarity that my writing reached people in a real tangible way that drew them to Jesus.
And then I had a second revelation. I had been grieving the loss of my ministry to teenagers, but I realized that God had shifted my focus and given me a new way to reach others for Christ.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.
Proverbs 22:6 (ESV)
God showed me that I still minister to youth, but that youth is my son. At the time I felt held back by my son because I couldn’t do “ministry” with him in tow. What a backwards way of looking at discipleship! Our main ministry as mothers is to our children. We are to raise them to know the gospel and cultivate a relationship with Jesus. Whatever other means by which I am to reach others, my priority lies in my discipleship to my son.
Likewise, I have a duty to support and love my husband.
Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
Ephesians 5:22, 24 (ESV)
I need to be very conscious to love my husband as Christ loves me. This has been very difficult, especially with my bipolar disorder, but through the power of God’s Holy Spirit and a lot of intentionality, I can love Andrew in this way.
In my youth, I thought God had laid a path of discipleship out for me and that I would continue on that path over the course of my life. Twenty years later, I have come to realize that there are seasons of ministry. At twenty-five I was able to stay up for over 24 hours and love on teenage girls. At forty, an all-nighter sounds more like torture. As a single person, I was able to pick up and run off to a youth conference without a thought. As a wife and a mom of a young child, getting away by myself for the weekend is a challenge.
There are a lot of things I would like to do to minister to others, but God has me in a season of waiting to do those things. For example, I would love to get more involved in the women’s ministry at my church, but that would take me away from discipleship time with my son. In the meantime, I try to find contentment in the ministries he has placed me in–my ministry to my husband and son, and my writing ministry. We all need to look at our season of life and ask God how he wants us to minister in that season.
How has God called you to minister in your season of life?
Bethany Marinelli is an author and speaker out of Orlando, Florida. She also supports her husband, Andrew, in his auto repair business and homeschools her son, Arthur.
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