Blog – The Journey to My Father's Kingdom

Finding Forgiveness

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had to ask for forgiveness in my life. My humility has been put to the test. I’ve gotten really good at asking for forgiveness. I find that the harder part is extending forgiveness to others.

But I do forgive, even when it’s hard, because I’ve been forgiven undeservedly. A man was beaten to an inch of death then crucified on a cross for my sins. He endured hell for me so I don’t have to. Jesus Christ is the ultimate forgiver. I deserve death and hell but I’ve received Christ’s forgiveness and, in that assurance, I have life. Who am I to withhold forgiveness from someone who has wronged me?

What is Forgiveness?

What is forgiveness, really, though? As much as we would like forgiveness to be this black and white neatly packaged act, it’s not. Just like sin is messy, forgiveness is messy and looks different in each situation. Is the person repentant? How deeply hurt are you? How complex is the situation? Have they forgiven you? There are so many complexities in wrongdoing that resolution, or lack thereof, and forgiveness are also complex.

The Old Testament tells the story of a chosen people who continually rebel against God. He gives them chance after chance and they still fail him.

● God wipes out the world with a flood and upon his arrival to dry ground, Noah is found passed out drunk and naked (Genesis 9:20-23).

● Soon after, Nimrod leads his clan to build a tower high into the heavens to make a name for themselves, apart from God (Genesis 11:1-9).

● The Israelites became impatient waiting for Moses on Mount Sinai and made a false god to worship (Exodus 32).

● God leads his people to the Promised Land but they refuse to enter because they were scared they wouldn’t be able to conquer its inhabitants (Deuteronomy 1).

Yet, God is there ready to forgive the repentant. He doesn’t give up on his people.

But they and our fathers acted presumptuously and stiffened their neck and did not obey your commandments. They refused to obey and were not mindful of the wonders that you performed among them, but they stiffened their neck and appointed a leader to return to their slavery in Egypt. But you are a God ready to forgive, gracious and merciful, slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love, and did not forsake them. Nehemiah 9:16-17 (ESV)

Throughout the Old Testament, prophets foretold the coming of a Savior who would bring ultimate forgiveness.

“Behold, the days are coming, declares the Lord, when I will make a new covenant with the house of Israel and the house of Judah…I will put my law within them, and I will write it on their hearts. And I will be their God, and they shall be my people. And no longer shall each one teach his neighbor and each his brother, saying, ‘Know the Lord,’ for they shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest, declares the Lord. For I will forgive their iniquity, and I will remember their sin no more.”

Jeremiah 31:31,33b, 34 (ESV)

The Gospels present the fulfillment of the prophecies of ultimate forgiveness through Christ Jesus. The epistles, which follow, preach salvation through repentance and a free life with Christ. The Old Testament lays out the deep condition of our sin and the New Testament presents the solution.

How Much Should We Forgive?

God takes forgiveness very seriously–literally life or death. In Matthew 18, right after Jesus lays out the model we are to follow for resolving conflict, he gives us an illustration of how we are to forgive.

Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven.

Matthew 18:21-22 (NKJV)

Our forgiveness shouldn’t have limits. Jewish custom was to forgive three times, so it’s interesting that Peter asks this question. The fact that he was generous to offer forgiveness seven times is a big deal. But for Jesus to expand that number to 490 times really makes a point. Are we really going to make a tally of how many times we have forgiven someone so that maybe by the 491st time we say, “Enough is enough”? No. We always forgive. We forgive no matter how many times we have been sinned against. When faced with the temptation of bitterness for something we’ve already forgiven, we forgive yet again. Forgiveness is a continuous act.

Then, Matthew 18:23-35, Jesus tells a parable of a servant (let’s call the main character Jim) who was greatly indebted. Varying commentators will put the modern day value between $12 million and $1 billion–a debt that I could never pay, as willing as I might be. Because Jim couldn’t pay, the master went to sell him, his family, and everything he had. Jim begs the master to give him more time, so the master takes pity and forgives his debt. Jim then goes to another servant who owed him a day’s wages, chokes him and orders him to pay. Like Jim, he begs for more time. Jim responds by putting him in prison. Other servants saw what happened and reported it to their master.

Then his master summoned him and said to him, ‘You wicked servant! I forgave you all that debt because you pleaded with me. And should not you have had mercy on your fellow servant, as I had mercy on you?’ And in anger his master delivered him to the jailers, until he should pay all his debt.

Matthew 18:32-34 (ESV)

Jim will not be able to pay his debt, so now he’s looking at a lifetime in prison. By having an unforgiving heart, like Jim, we are imprisoning ourselves to our own sins. God takes this very seriously.

So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart.

Matthew 18:35 (ESV)

How Do I Forgive?

Christ has forgiven me, so how do I apply this to my life? The answer is simple–I am commanded to forgive, as complicated as the process might be. This verse is not asking us if we want to forgive, or if we feel like forgiving, rather that we must forgive. And yet forgiving is not easy. Forgiveness is a painful process. I struggled through this process with a certain situation in my life where the people who hurt me were unrepentant.

If someone gives you a genuine repentant apology certainly makes forgiveness a little less painful. There is resolution. The harder situation is when the person is not repentant. When there is no resolution. What then?

Because Christ forgave me, I must forgive.

While neither parties in my situation repented, I still needed to have a pure heart before God. I prayed through the situation and realized that I could have forgiveness in my heart but that I didn’t need to voice this forgiveness to them unless they came to me in repentance. My forgiveness between me and God preserved my relationship with God and prepared me for the chance that they would come to repentance and sincerely apologize. Until then, I’m to move forward with my life because, the truth is, I don’t have a lot of hope that day will come.

And if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector.

Matthew 18:17 (ESV)

The question now is, how do I forgive and move on in my life? The pain is still there 8 years later, and will always be to some degree–I’ve been deeply wounded. But how do I have a forgiving heart rather than a bitter heart? I look to Jesus on the cross.

And when they came to the place that is called The Skull, there they crucified him, and the criminals, one on his right and one on his left. And Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.” And they cast lots to divide his garments. And the people stood by, watching, but the rulers scoffed at him, saying, “He saved others; let him save himself, if he is the Christ of God, his Chosen One!” The soldiers also mocked him, coming up and offering him sour wine and saying, “If you are the King of the Jews, save yourself!” (Luke 23:33-37) [Emphasis mine]

Forgive them, they know not what they do. I know that the people who hurt me were sincerely trying to follow God through the situation, though I believe they misinterpreted scripture or missed it completely. They knew not what they did. This attitude is how I move on, still in pain, but without bitterness. They will face the Lord in heaven and their minds will be open to reality. Then, if they are believers in Christ, which I believe them to be, God will forgive them and all will be left behind. That’s between them and God. I absolve myself.

Throughout this situation, I had to take a hard look at myself. I couldn’t go accusing them while thinking myself completely innocent–I wasn’t. I’ve said before, I have reactive tendencies. I often respond without thinking and say the first thing that comes to mind, which is not well thought out and many times not the best thing to say. I pray the prayer of Psalm 139 a lot.

Search me, O God, and know my heart!

Try me and know my thoughts!

And see if there be any grievous way in me,

and lead me in the way everlasting!

Psalm 139:23-24 (ESV)

Throughout this situation, I tried to keep short accounts of myself. I asked for forgiveness where I fell short. Unfortunately, this part of our conversation was overlooked, and the nondescript wrongs I supposedly was guilty of were brought to the forefront. The point is that I tried. I humbled myself before the Lord and, whether or not they saw that doesn’t matter. What matters is that my heart was in the right place.

What is important to point out, here, is that forgiveness doesn’t mean telling the other person that what they did was okay after all. It doesn’t mean that you now have to agree with them. Forgiveness doesn’t mean that they shouldn’t have to worry about what they did any longer. The response for the question, “Will you forgive me?” should just be “Yes.” Not “Yes, it’s okay,” because it’s not. It shouldn’t be, “Yes, don’t worry about it,” because there are consequences for wrongdoing. The response shouldn’t be, “Yes, forget about it,” because there is a part of being hurt that’s unforgettable; that teaches us for the future. The forgiveness should be a straight up “I forgive you.” Period.

Another important point is that if that person is in habitual sin and is harmful to you, whether physically or emotionally, you can forgive them but also put boundaries around your relationship with them. Maybe you just cut off the relationship completely. Or, maybe you just have certain boundaries on the relationship. I’ve certainly had to do this with certain people in my life. The point is that forgiving someone doesn’t give them license to continue hurting you.

On paper, forgiveness looks neat and tidy. I did wrong, I admit it, you forgive me. But it’s not. Forgiveness is a messy business because sin is a messy business. Just think of how disgusting Christ’s death was. First he was flogged and crowned with thorns (John 19:1-3). I doubt they gently put the crown of thorns on his head as they ridiculed him. Then, bruised and bloodied, they forced him to carry the weight of his own cross to The Place of the Skull (John 19:17), nailed him to the cross and the crowds stood there, jeering at him, watching him die. Thereafter he spent three days in hell taking payment for our sins.

All this we deserve ourselves, and yet we don’t have to bear it. All this I deserve, but I don’t have to bear it. If Christ can forgive me in this way for every big and small way I’ve turned away from righteousness, then I must have forgiveness ready in my heart.

True Repentance: How to Repent, Apologize and Forgive

Adam and Eve screwed it up for us. They had everything they needed, most importantly, a perfect relationship with their creator. How I wish I could see the things they saw. Smell the smells that they smelled. Heard the music of God’s creation in the way that they heard it. Touched and tasted the fruit that they grew. Knew God so intimately as they did. But they listened to that lying twisted serpent and screwed it up for us.

Sin.

And with sin birthed the need for repentance.

What is Repentance?

Metanoia (met-an’-oy-ah) is the Greek word for repentance. As it’s used in the Bible, it means, “A change of mind, as it appears to one who repents, of a purpose he has formed or of something he has done.” So, what is your purpose?

God’s original purpose for us was to have a relationship with him that we might mutually enjoy one another, living righteously. The perfect relationship. But since Adam and Eve strayed from that purpose, now, in our sinful nature, our purpose is for ourselves. Instead of asking, “What is good for my relationship with God,” now we ask, “what is good for me?” So, we need to change our mind about our purpose, or repent to God and turn from self toward him in order to live righteously.

When we repent, we turn from those sins which we do out of selfish desire and turn towards the righteousness God calls us to. We can only turn from our sin if we first acknowledge that we are sinners.

“For I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners, to repentance.”

Matthew 9:13b (NKJV)

And when we repent, God rejoices!

As it is, I rejoice, not because you were grieved, but because you were grieved into repenting. For you felt a godly grief, so that you suffered no loss through us.

2 Corinthians 7:9 (ESV)

And because of Jesus’s sacrifice on the cross, our repentance brings salvation–a restoration of our relationship with God.

For godly grief produces a repentance that leads to salvation without regret, whereas worldly grief produces death.

2 Corinthians 7:10 (ESV)

So, true repentance leads to eternal life and a restored relationship with our creator. However, until Jesus returns and removes sin once and for all, we need to live with a continual attitude of repentance in order to seek righteousness on a daily basis. While our salvation is secure, like our relationships with one another, our relationship with God requires that we regularly turn back to him.

Repenting to One Another

Crying out to God on a regular basis in humility and confessing our sins is one thing. He, after all, is the Almighty God. No one is above God, not you and not me. Once you have come to that realization, it’s easy to fall down before him and confess that you have fallen so far short of his grace. Confessing your sin to a fellow person is another thing altogether. But confessing your sins to someone you’ve wronged is just as necessary as confessing them to God.

Repenting to God restores your relationship with Him. So it is when repenting to one another.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.

Ephesians 4:30-32 (ESV)

While humbling yourself to one another can take a lot of effort, the outcome is worth the endeavor.

While reading The Peacemaker: A Biblical Guide to Resolving Personal Conflict by Ken Sande, I thought back to a conflict I had with a woman who was once my very best friend from college. We had a nasty falling out one day and hadn’t spoken to each other since. Fourteen years later, God brought the situation to my mind and, upon contemplating the subject of conflict resolution and repentance, I realized that I had never done a single thing to try resolving that conflict. I had done a lot of work healing from the hurt the conflict left me, but I had not taken one step to its resolution.

One day I reached out to a mutual friend and got her email address. I spent a few hours writing her a letter confessing what I had done wrong, and telling her how she hurt me. An added complication, her boyfriend (now husband) had also hurt me (he was part of why we had the falling out). I told her about what her husband did as I wasn’t sure she even knew and he was part of the reason I never reached out to her after the falling out. About a week later I got an email back. She forgave me for her part in our conflict and shared how I had hurt her. She had told her husband about my email and he also relayed his apologies through her. A few emails back and forth and we’re friends again. After fourteen years!

Obviously, seeing as it took fourteen years for me to reconcile with her, coming to the point of repentance was hard. I think that she and I would both admit that part of the problem that caused our downfall was lack of maturity. However, in those fourteen years, we had both grown in our relationship with God. When I finally put forth the effort to repent to her, a load was lifted so much that, even if I never heard back from her, I was glad that I did the right thing. I didn’t have the situation hanging over my head any longer. I was free of it. The fact that she accepted my apology made the load even lighter.

How to Apologize

While just having the courage to apologize to another person is hard enough, it’s even harder if you don’t know how to appropriately apologize.

I have been really hurt by others whose efforts at an apology completely stunk. They used phrases such as, “I’m sorry for whatever hurt I might have caused.” Their apologies were similarly:

1. Too brief. It felt like they were brushing it off.

2. Too vague. I wasn’t exactly sure what they were apologizing for.

3. Too insincere. They did not take ownership for their role in the conflict.

A good apology, on the other hand, meets the gravity of what you’re apologizing for, doesn’t shift blame, or shirk responsibility. According to Psychology Today , a good apology includes:

1. A clear “I’m sorry” statement.

2. An expression of regret for what happened.

3. An acknowledgment that social norms or expectations were violated.

4. An empathy statement acknowledging the full impact of our actions on the other person.

5. A request for forgiveness.

I would also add that a good apology doesn’t just tell the person what they need to hear, but it shows them your sincerity. It may take time for your actions to speak for themselves if your offense was a habitual sin. However, if you owe the other person to repair, replace, or repay them for something, that should be taken care of at the time of the apology or a plan made to do so very soon thereafter. For example, if a person who didn’t pay me for work I did (true story) gave a sincere apology, they would have also paid me the money they owed. Since their apology didn’t take ownership of what they did and they haven’t paid me, I have no reason to believe it was sincere.

When to Forgive

If someone apologizes to you, and they have done so well and with sincerity, you should absolutely forgive them. In fact, you should have already forgiven them before they even came to you. In Ken Sande’s The Peacemaker, he explains that forgiveness comes in two stages–first, having an attitude of forgiveness, and second, granting forgiveness. The attitude of forgiveness happens when you forgive that person between you and God. Granting forgiveness comes when the person approaches you with an apology.

Why should you forgive? While the act of forgiving might be hard, the answer is easy–because Christ forgave you and because God commands forgiveness.

And whenever you stand praying, forgive, if you have anything against anyone, so that your Father also who is in heaven may forgive you your trespasses.

Mark 11:25 (ESV)

Adam and Eve had a perfect relationship between each other and with God before sin came into the world. As God calls us to strive toward righteousness, we do so in every area of our lives. As we surrender ourselves to him, we also surrender our relationships to him. God desires us to live in unity with one another, especially those of us who are saved by the grace of Christ. We need to repent to God, repent to one another, and forgive one another out of obedience to him.

Bethany Marinelli is an author and speaker out of Orlando, Florida. She also supports her husband, Andrew, in his auto repair business and homeschools their son, Arthur.

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What is Grief?

My Nana passed away a couple weeks before I graduated high school in the spring of 2001. Aside from losing a pet, this was my first experience with real grief. She and I were quite close and her death came fast. I still miss her all these years later.

For a long time, like many people, I only associated grief with death, but life experience started to teach me something different. In 2009 I had a falling out with my best friend from college. I grieved that loss for many years. Then, after my postpartum experience, I faced grief on many levels. I grieved the loss of time with my son. I grieved the scars on my body. I grieved the inability to have more children. I grieved my bipolar diagnosis.

Grief comes in many forms:

● The loss of a relationship with a friend, family member, or spouse

● Miscarriage

● The loss of a dream, such as having children, a career, or getting married

● A betrayal or loss of trust in someone you love, such as friends, family or a spouse

● The loss of a home, such as through a fire or natural disaster, or just by moving

● Moving to a new city, leaving family and friends

● A hard medical diagnosis, whether personal or that of a family member or friend–this includes a mental illness diagnosis

● Having a child with special needs, whether developmental, medical, or both

● Having a prodigal child or a child who is making poor decisions that don’t align with the way you raised them

● Giving up a child for adoption

● Permanent physical deformities, whether from an accident or surgery

● Estrangement from a family member

● Loss of a pet

● Consequences of poor choices

How to Cope with Grief

Grief looks different for everyone. There are the well-known stages of grief–denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance–but how those things manifest in our lives can look very different. Some people, like me, will grieve openly while others keep to themselves. The important thing is knowing how to cope in a healthy way.

Turn to God

He heals the brokenhearted

and binds up their wounds.

He determines the number of the stars;

he gives to all of them their names.

Psalm 147:3-4(ESV)

God is the ultimate healer and comforter. In times of despair, you may feel like there is no hope. God may feel distant. But we need to lean on what we know about who God is rather than the feelings we are experiencing. Satan would like none other than for us to think that God has forgotten us, but God knit you together in your mother’s womb (Psalm 139:13). He knows every hair on your head (Matthew 10:30). By surrendering our sorrow to God, we are acknowledging that he is greater than our pain.

The most obvious way to turn to God is through prayer and petition. God knows what is on our heart, but the act of engaging with him in prayer is therapeutic to our spirit. Prayer is agreement with God that, yes, this hurts, and shows trust that you know he can comfort you in that pain.

The harder way to turn to God when you are drenched in suffering is by praising him and sharing your gratitude. Asking God to show you the ways you can praise him in the pain helps to see his hand in your healing. Finding things to be grateful for despite your heartbreak lifts your spirits.

When we worship God, whether through song, or prayer or any other means, we are inviting him into our sacred space and allowing him to surround us with his love. As we worship, we can cry out to God or we can praise him for his greatness. It’s the sitting in his presence that soothes our hurting heart. We don’t have to go to church to worship God. We can worship just about anywhere. Many people find that getting out in God’s creation helps them to commune with him.

Turn to Others

While keeping to oneself may be your preference when going through the unthinkable, God did not intend for us to do life alone. Starting from the Garden of Eden where God made Eve so that Adam didn’t have to be alone, God has made it clear that he made us for community. Proverbs 27:17 (ESV) says, “Iron sharpens iron, and one man sharpens another.” Galatians 6:6 urges us to carry one another’s burdens. Matthew reminds us “For where two or three are gathered in my name, there am I among them.” (Matthew 18:20). So while opening up that hurtful place to another may be difficult, God intended for us to do so.

The first place to find support should be your friends and family. They are closest to you, so they are the ones that are going to be that constant support. Depending on how deeply you are grieving, you might also consider counseling or finding a support group related to your grief.

Turn to Personal Expression

When dealing with heartache, it’s important to process in multiple ways. For me, writing is my go-to method for exploring my emotions. I also like to go for a run to sort through my thoughts and take some dedicated time to pray to God. For some people, personal expression might involve exploring some form of art. I don’t think it matters how good of a writer, artist, or athlete you are as long as you give yourself space to sort through your emotions.

—

The scars of grief are constant. They don’t get smaller as time goes on, but they will lighten in color and you’ll adapt to them being a part of your life. As you move past the time of loss, you will find ways to overcome and the pain won’t feel so vibrant anymore. While something may trigger the heartache, if you grieve well, you will develop healthy coping strategies for moving forward.

Here’s a poem I wrote about my grief many years ago:

Grieving My Scars

I’m grieving my scars

Both inside and out,

I’m grieving the losses

That created self-doubt.

Will I ever be beautiful?

Will I ever be sane?

Will I ever be happy?

Will I ever be free?

Free from my cosmetic deformities

Of my mental agony

Of my relational disasters

I want to be free.

And be me.

I’m grieving my scars

Both inside and out,

I’m grieving the losses

That created self-doubt.

Will I ever get past the past

That haunts me?

Will I ever evolve to

A time where disaster ends

And my life begins?

Will I ever stand before a

360º mirror in

Awe of my beauty?

Will I ever embrace the

scars that reside from

the traumas of physical and

emotional pain?

Will I ever embrace my husband

My son

My learnings from

Desiring so long?

Myself?

Who I am

Regardless of who I was?

I’m grieving my scars

Both inside and out,

I’m grieving the losses

That created self-doubt.

Bethany Marinelli is an author and speaker out of Orlando, Florida. She also supports her husband, Andrew, in his auto repair business and homeschools their son, Arthur.

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Therapy is for Everyone

As a young teen when my first mental illness symptoms showed up, I was adamantly against seeing a certified therapist. I bought into the stigma that mental illnesses were something to be ashamed of as if I became mentally ill because of something I did or didn’t do. That mindset changed in my mid-twenties when some trusted mentors came around me with compassion and showed me that mental illness is actually quite common. I finally sought the help I needed, which included talk therapy with a certified mental health counselor.

Over the next twenty or so years I’ve had four therapists. There have been positives and negatives about all of them. Here are some things I’ve learned along the way:

Law Versus Grace: Lessons from Galatians

Our society is full of a lot of false ideas, religious traditions, and misleading spiritual leaders. I think that if the Apostle Paul were around today, he would write a letter to the United States of America, much like the one he wrote to the Galatians.

Much like Central Florida is a group of cities in a certain region of Florida, so was Galatia, a group of cities with many churches of which Paul cared for. He had spread the gospel throughout the region and many believed, but then in no time at all, they took a hard turn in the wrong direction and started to teach practices that weren’t true, such as the necessity of circumcision to prove you were a true Christian. So ensued a great battle between law and grace, which I believe we continue to fall into in our modern society.

My church’s women’s Bible study did a deep dive into the book of Galatians recently and I’d like to take a moment to share what God taught me from each chapter. I hope it helps to draw you closer to the grace of Christ.

The Value of Accountability

When I am wrestling with hard things in my life, I am thankful that I know just who to call. My phone holds more than one number of a mentor or other kind of accountability partner who I know will have my back.

Accountability can come from multiple people and these people can serve in different ways. There is no perfect combination of accountability partners, but I find that God puts the right people in the right place in my life at just the right time.

The key to a good accountability partner is that they lovingly tell it like it is and are more concerned with giving you accurate and biblical responses than hurting your feelings. The key to being a good disciple is taking the time to pray through and digest their feedback.

Do you know who these people are in your life? If not, I hope the following will help you recognize those who are in your corner, OR, those you need to find to back you up.

The Whole Armor of God

In the middle of a spiritual battle, I described what I was going through to a mentor. She responded, “You need to study the Armor of God.” So I did. With copious notes. So many notes and supporting scriptures that I’m praying about writing a devotional on the topic. I thought, at the very least, I could summarize my three main take-aways for my readers in a blog post.

Pursing Patience

My ego hurt, but my knee and hand hurt worse as two people ran by me and asked, “Are you okay?”

“I just tripped,” I replied, holding back the tears. “Just having a bad day.”

I’ve stumbled a few times while running in the past, but until today, never actually fell. This time I hit the ground hard. I tore up my knee and sprained my hand. The incident seemed like the perfect way to cap off 2025.

Mentally Thriving Through the Holidays

On Christmas Day 2021, I quietly slipped into the TV room at my in-laws house and broke down. My husband found me to see why I had withdrawn from the group. My mental health had been on a steady decline due to stress, and a recent situation compounded my angst. I wanted to go home. Being around people enjoying the holiday while I was in a bad place psychologically made me feel worse. It seemed like there was nothing I could do. Or could there have been?

I have lived with bipolar disorder and social anxiety most of my life. In 2018 I finally had an accurate diagnosis for my mental illness. After several years, I found the right medications and dosages, took time to heal, and learned coping strategies. My experiences with bipolar disorder and anxiety have taught me to plan ahead, to be okay with saying, “No,” and to live in the moment. These strategies can help those who struggle with mental illness–not just get through the holiday season–but to thrive.

How Disunity Among American Christians is Harming the Gospel

America is a divided nation and the enemy is having fun stirring the pot of dissension. Are we headed for another civil war? One would think that Christians would be united in this fight, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. Rather than uniting in biblically sound positions, Christians are leading the charge to show just how nasty the divisions in this country are.

Why Keeping the Sabbath is Important

A long busy week preceded a particular Saturday when all I wanted was to stay home and do pretty much nothing. Slated to serve in the church nursery on Sunday and a family outing planned later that same day, I knew I wasn’t going to get any rest unless I took Saturday completely off. I worked hard on Friday afternoon to get all urgent chores and errands completed so I didn’t have to worry about them for the rest of the week. However, my husband, who runs an auto repair shop, asked if I would run for some parts he needed. Then, a friend texted to see if we could set up a play date for our sons. Completely overwhelmed, I kindly said, “No.” Thankfully, my husband didn’t need the parts so urgently and my friend understood. Phew!

Have you had a week like that? Or, maybe you’ve had a month like that and you don’t see an end to the busyness. So easily we slip into the sin of being over-busy!

The reality is, the pace of American culture cleverly blankets the sin of not keeping the sabbath day holy.

Are You Really A Christian?

I grew up calling myself a Christian because I went to church and prayed sometimes. I knew about Jesus, but I didn’t really know Jesus. I wasn’t a true Christian. I felt distant from God and didn’t understand his great love for me.

I’m not alone.

According to the 2023-2024 Pew Research study on religion in the United States, 62% of adults describe themselves as Christian. Yet, many among them reject core tenets of Christianity. The State of Theology survey claims that 56% of “Christians” believe that God accepts all religions and 43% believe that Jesus to be a great teacher, but not God. A study by Arizona Christian University concludes that 89% of professed Christians reject the Trinity. These statistics stand in stark contrast to what the Bible teaches.

How do I know I’m a Christian?

How to Take Mental Health Days

Are you burnt out from your busy schedule? Are you having a hard time maintaining focus on the tasks at hand? Do you struggle to have motivation to go from one thing to the next? These are just a few signs of many that you may need a mental health day. According to Harvard Health Publishing, signs you may need one or more mental health days include:

The Lie of “I Am Enough”

The phrase, “You are enough,” is found on mugs and t-shirts and floats around in memes all over the internet. It sounds positive, warm, fuzzy, and encouraging. Afterall, don’t you want your life to be worth something?

The problem is, saying “You are enough,” isn’t biblical and it rejects the gospel of Jesus Christ. The only human that ever lived who was actually enough, was Jesus, but he made himself nothing for us so that we could be restored to our Creator. Saying that you are enough is the same as saying that you don’t need anyone to make up your worth. “I am enough” is like saying, “I am my own god.” Talk about pride and, if I may be so bold, even blasphemy!

How to Approach Mental Health in the Workplace

Laying in a fetal position sobbing under my desk in the office of our family auto repair shop, I just wanted to die. A long time coming, my mental health had been deteriorating quickly over the past few months. At a crossroads, something needed to change. I literally couldn’t do my job, much less be effective in my work. Thankfully, my husband worked with me to make adjustments so that I could be effective in my job and I sought professional help from my doctor to get the right diagnosis and the right medications to help me function.

I’m not the only one.

I follow a woman on Instagram whose mission is to bring awareness about bipolar disorder by sharing about her experience with the illness. For a long time she couldn’t work because of her severe symptoms. More recently, however, she has gotten her illness under control, and started back to work. But, she became worried that, due to her Instagram posts, that her employer would find out about her disorder. She didn’t want this knowledge to negatively impact her employment.

Mental illness aside, at a time when I was mentally stable, I had a job where I felt stifled, which made me less willing to go out of my way to see the organization succeed. I thought, “What’s the point?” and was unmotivated to work hard and was looking for a way out. When a new supervisor came in who cared about my mental health within my position, I had a complete turn around. Suddenly I was excited about the work I was doing and was more willing to go above and beyond to see the organization succeed.

I have found that a lot of people with mental health problems are harmfully affected in their employment, even to the point of losing their jobs because of the stigma of mental health concerns. The World Health Organization (WHO) states, “People with severe mental health conditions are more likely to be excluded from employment, and when in employment, they are more likely to experience inequality at work.”

What’s to be done?

If someone has a health disorder that is impeding their work, whether visible or not, it is in the employer’s best interest to find out how to work with them. Most of the time, someone with a mental health condition is still capable of performing the job, they just might need to go about it in a different way.

Not only do both employers and employees need to have a better understanding of mental health and how to approach it in the workplace, but we also need to put together a plan for our own mental health. Employers also need to work with employees on creating a mental health plan.

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When God’s Answer is No

Have you ever felt like God is silent when you pray to him? Maybe you’ve gone years praying and never seeming to get an answer. What about the possibility that God is answering your prayer, just not the way you want? Sometimes what seems like God’s silence is actually him telling you to wait, or maybe even a firm no.

God’s Call to Discipleship

I had an identity crisis after having my son in 2017.

In 2005 God called me to full-time ministry with Cru. I was in my senior year of college and I had an intense conversation with God during a time of Bible study and prayer that led me to this belief. My former youth leader and those she worked alongside confirmed my call when I reached out to her and was soon after offered an internship. By the time my internship ended and was offered a full-time position with Cru’s high school ministry, I thought I would be a lifer–someone who would serve in that same position until retirement…and maybe even a little after. I was sure I would be sharing the gospel and discipling teenagers for the rest of my life. That’s how strong I felt the pull to full-time ministry.

The reality is that God calls us all to disciple others, whether it’s full time or not.

How Can I Help? Living Out Prayer

Let’s get one thing out of the way from the start: there is great power in prayer and having a daily habit of prayer in our life is important. But there are many times when prayer isn’t enough.

Imagine getting into a car accident where someone in the other vehicle is seriously injured. Do you just pray for them and then go about your day? No! You call an ambulance! What if that’s how we approached all prayer?

When someone is in great need for prayer, do you also find out what kind of practical help they might need?

In my experience, the times when I have most needed practical help, all I got was a lot of, “I’m sorry you are going through that, I’ll pray for you.” Hearing this response over and over really stings when no one tacks on an additional, “How else can I help?” This simple question could have made a huge difference in my life and to be honest, an answer to my prayers.

What is a Truly Repentant Heart?

How could this happen? Darla and I were close friends. Her husband, Danny, worked for my husband. Of course I would agree to nanny their son! Since we used the same bank, it seemed logical that they would pay me via internal transfer.

However, I made the mistake of trusting them too much and not checking to see if the money was actually being transferred. When money got tight for my family and I looked through my bank account to see what I could do about it, I realized that Danny had, in fact, stopped paying me.

I notified my husband, Andrew, what was going on. The next day he would approach Danny. Well, Danny did not react well to the confrontation, so I called Darla at work to alert her to the problem. She was shocked that Danny hadn’t been paying me and immediately apologized. Danny, on the other hand, made my life miserable over the next few months as only someone exhibiting narcissistic tendencies can. Eventually, at the encouragement of his pastor, he gave me a half-hearted and vague apology. It came across like he was just doing it because he was told to, not because he wanted to.

Six years later, I still haven’t been paid. Were Darla’s and Danny’s apologies enough? Were they truly repentant?

Finding Security: From the Tower of Babel to Jesus Christ

Have you ever been misunderstood?

If you’ve ever been to a country where you don’t speak a language, you probably have a story of a time when you’ve been misunderstood. I went to Hungary on a month-long mission trip some years ago. One of the other American girls, Marsha, and I went to the “mach” or supermarket. I really wanted some almonds, but we couldn’t find them. We flagged down one of the workers and said, “Angulu?” (“English?”).

He said, “Nem (no), German?”

We said, “Nem, Spanish?”

He said “Nem” and we all laughed.

Marsha and I pulled out our Hungarian-English dictionaries and tried to find the word, “nut,” in Hungarian. Can you believe that we each had a different dictionary and neither had the word, “nut,” or anything similar? So, we tried to describe with body language what we were looking for. The man took us over to the bread section and pointed at some rolls. We said, “nem,” and tried to describe it another way. He took us to the cracker aisle. “Nem.” About five tries later we were finally brought to a display of nuts! “Igen, igen! (Yes, yes!)” we cried.

While this situation was funny, it also made me feel a bit unnerved to be in a country where to even buy a bag of almonds is a chore. If the misunderstanding had been a bit more serious, like I had gotten separated from the group and someone decided to take advantage of my vulnerability, I would not have been able to call out for the proper help. I definitely didn’t feel as secure and free to do as I wished while I was in Hungary than I am in America.

If the whole world spoke one language, none of these situations, real or imagined, would have been a problem. I even struggle in an English speaking country, whether because of different accents or because we are fallen creatures and do not fully understand the complexity of human communication.

Being misunderstood in a foreign country is one thing, but another thing is to be misunderstood in your native language, which happens all the time.

Have you been misunderstood recently? What is our motive for being understood and why is it so hard for us to communicate?

How has being understood and known caused you to turn from God?

Let’s take a look at the well known story of the Tower of Babel from Genesis 11:1-9 to examine this question.

Finding Fruit in Patience and Surrender

I’ve been gardening since the Covid lockdown in 2020. It started as an educational experiment with my then 3-year-old and sort of snowballed from there. Gardening in Florida is not for the faint of heart. The seasons are completely flip-flopped, and not everything grows well in this humid subtropical state. One thing I’ve learned is that you can plant many seeds, but not all of them sprout, so sometimes you have to re-sow until they produce. Also, sometimes the plant sprouts, but gets ravaged by pests, so you never get to enjoy the fruit of your labors. However, with patience and surrender, the garden will eventually bear fruit.

Patience and surrender, when done right, will bear fruit in all areas of life.

Is Self-Love Biblical?

Today’s American culture promotes “self-love” as something we need to embrace in our everyday life. However, this way of thinking ignores what Jesus did for us on the cross and his purpose for our lives. We are not meant to focus on self-love. We are meant to focus on Christ’s love for us through his death and resurrection on the cross.

Nowhere in the Bible does God command us to love ourselves. The problem is, we already love ourselves, but we struggle to love others as much as we love ourselves. Another way to define “self-love” is “pride.” What we need to realize is that Jesus loves us more than we could ever love ourselves and, just as important, God is love. So what do we do with that love?

For When I Am Weak, Then I Am Strong

Suffering has been a natural part of life since Adam and Eve. We’ve all experienced suffering. Each person’s suffering is unique and affects everyone differently. We can learn from Paul through his letter we call the book of 2 Corinthians.

In 2 Corinthians, Paul defends his call as an Apostle because a group of people who were against him were being divisive in the Corinthian church that he helped plant. He argues that, through his suffering, he has exactly what is needed to comfort other believers in their suffering. I am one of those who has been comforted by Paul’s suffering! I can attest to the Spirit-led words of 2 Corinthians that Paul is truly a leader in the faith because of his suffering.

Paul also wrote 2 Corinthians to encourage those who responded well to 1 Corinthians. Again, his experience with suffering is part of the encouragement he gave to the tender-hearted Corinthians.

In my Bible, the book of 2 Corinthians is all marked up. There is so much deep truth to be gleaned to lift up the hurting and encourage them in their faith journey. He reflects back on Christ’s suffering to encourage us in ours.

Running the Race of Faith

When was the last time you did something hard? I mean really hard? “I’m not sure I’m going to make it through this” hard? What was the motivation to keep going?

I’ve been through many hard things. I almost died after childbirth. I’ve been wrongly sued by a large Christian organization. I’ve been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. These just to name a few hardships I’ve had in my life. What kept me going? My faith in Jesus. It didn’t come easily. A lot of patient endurance was needed, but I’ve come through those hardships, and because of those hardships, I have faith that I will make it through any others that come my way. And you can have that kind of faith, too.

Finding Joy in Life’s Trials

When was the last time you experienced joy even though life was hard?

My world was crashing around me. My family was dealing with a really difficult and complicated situation that affected both our business and our family. On top of the extreme stress this caused us, our house flooded, producing a serious mold problem, so we were displaced from our home for four months. My son was two at the time, and I suddenly had to go back to work. I had a major breakdown, leading to a much delayed bipolar disorder diagnosis.

During this difficult time, God brought my attention to Psalm 126:5 (ESV), which says, “Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!” There were definitely plenty of tears, but I couldn’t figure out how they led to “shouts of joy.” As I meditated on this verse, instead of being comforted, I became angry. I just couldn’t understand how I could have joy in my current circumstances.

As I started healing from all I had been going through, I realized that joy is not a feeling, but rather a gift from God, given to us through the Holy Spirit. We must become intimate with God to learn how to utilize this gift, even when our life looks bleak.