For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7 (NKJV) For much of my life, my mind has been anything but “sound.” I’ve struggled with undiagnosed or misdiagnosed mental illness my whole life. My illness really started affecting me at around age 16 and came off and on like waves, getting stronger and stronger until I snapped twenty years later in 2019. For this reason, I’ve struggled with Bible verses like 2 Timothy 1:7.
Being that wanting to die is a normal thing for me, I’ve found some things that have helped get me through and keep myself alive. Sharing these feelings with the world is a very raw thing, but I believe that what I have to say will help someone with suicidal thoughts or they will help a family member or friend of someone who is suicidal.
After years of struggle, I finally found my way out of my depression and reconciled my brokenness before the Lord. I was freed from thinking I needed to be the perfect Christian to be happy and drew closer to the Lord.
A distinction should be made between “mental health,” and “mental illness.” Caring for our mental health is not the same as treating a mental illness.
I went for years thinking I wasn’t a good enough Christian. That I didn’t have faith. It’s a taunting song still ringing in my head–a lie I have to constantly pray against.
I’m in it. My chest is caving in on my lungs. My head is spinning. Every time I close my eyes I see the gruesome sight and then my mind rushes into a fury of terror. My blood rushes hot through my body. My breathing becomes rapid. Then chills run down my arms like lizardsContinue reading “Anxiety Triggers”
“Boing, boing, boing!” rings the alarm on my phone. “Mom, it’s time to take your meds!” my four-year-old exclaims. That specific ringtone chosen as my medication reminder has forever ingrained in our minds the utter importance of my taking my medication. On time. Because we all know what happens if I don’t.
I hope that if you are reading this and think you can’t handle just one more ounce of suffering that you will find comfort in that I know what that’s like.
The pressure on my chest from the stress was physically painful. The medication my psychiatrist prescribed had me living in a fog. I could barely keep my eyes open.
For many people, 2020 was the beginning of a season of crisis. It seems like it’s never going to end. You’ve cancelled weddings, lost jobs, lost loved ones, had COVID, been in isolation among other things. I grieve with you.