The pressure on my chest from the stress was physically painful. The medication my psychiatrist prescribed had me living in a fog. I could barely keep my eyes open.
Many people are posting memories and notes of encouragement and love on Facebook to a dear friend of mine who is dying of cancer. Each and every one of them touch me deeply. Many make me choke up with a strong combination of joy and tears as I identify with their sentiments. I quickly realized a Facebook post just wouldn’t cut it. Michelle Beckman made too much of an impact on my life to be summed up in a few sentences on a Facebook post. So, instead, I decided to write a letter to her, here, on my blog. I hope this letter is an encouragement to you, even if you never knew Michelle, because of the great truths she showed me along the way.
Be patient. Wait. Put one foot in front of the other, and be led blindly down the right path. Trust. Have faith. This has been the theme of my life for the past three years. Then God began to show me a glimmer of the sun rising in the horizon, and yet, I find myself doubting. It’s been so long since I’ve had a true glimmer of hope that I wonder, “For me? Really? Are you sure?” because I’m used to trudging on, one foot at a time sinking into the murky soft ground, requiring each step to be calculated lest I fall. A moving vehicle on solid ground helping me get closer to my dreams is so foreign to me, so I look around and wonder, “Is that really for me?”
At church with my family, I had my first encounter. I’m not sure if this particular incident triggered the fear or if it was simply the first time having experienced it. I was only four years old, after all. I believe it was Christmas Eve. After the service, holding one of my parents’ hands, IContinue reading “The Shy Extrovert: My Journey with Agoraphobia”
The past couple months have been some of the most challenging since I had a major bout of depression 6 years ago. Thankfully, my depression hasn’t gotten as bad as it was six years ago, but living with depression, no matter how severe, is always rough. Over the years, I’ve discovered some ways that helpContinue reading “How I Get Out of Bed in the Midst of Depression”
The internal war wages in my soul at a fast and unending pace. My mind spins at a dizzying intensity. Conflicted. “Go faster!…No! Slow down!” The war is in all of us. For some, you’re blissfully in the eye of the storm. For others, we’re living in the heat of it. Clattering. Blowing. Banging. ThisContinue reading “Time: Friend or Enemy?”
Our lives are full of decisions. As a follower of Christ, I’ve learned to make decisions based on where God calls me rather than what satisfies me for the moment. Over the years I’ve learned a lot about God’s plan for my life and it hasn’t turned out much like I thought it would. IContinue reading “Why Waiting on God is Better than Doing it Ourselves”
Is the power of positive thinking enough to overcome circumstances? This is a question I’ve been pondering over the past several months as I drive around Orlando, Florida. The reason I’ve been pondering this question so deeply is that I keep seeing this bumper sticker–if you live in Orlando, you’ve likely seen it too– “IfContinue reading “If Anything Can Go Well, Will It?”
Confession. I have intimately conversed with suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions. If you have read my previous posts discussing my struggle with depression or had any kind of deep conversation with me, this may not come as a shock to you. I tell you in light of Isaac Hunter’s death to explain that it isContinue reading “Confession”
Lately my mind has been filled with dreams; longings for the future. I’ve been gazing down a winding path of uncertain hopefulness of things that could be. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been considering what I’ve accomplished over the past thirty years and where I’d like to be. There is a songContinue reading “Dreams and (Un-)answered Prayer?”