Terrible things happen in our lives. How do we know if God is punishing us?
What if you could see God answer your prayers right before your eyes? How would it change your view of God if you could go back and reflect on how he’s moved in your life?
That is why I started prayer journaling.
After years of struggle, I finally found my way out of my depression and reconciled my brokenness before the Lord. I was freed from thinking I needed to be the perfect Christian to be happy and drew closer to the Lord.
Screams escaped me like a steaming kettle. There was no way to turn down the burner, no hand to pull it off of the heat. My mom was at a loss as to how to help me. She showed me my face in a mirror but I didn’t recognize that girl.
We sat in his basically empty house at a fold out table. Penne pasta with sauce from the jar and salad from a bag. A baguette from the grocery store. We talked about many things. Our hopes and dreams. Our faith. Our families. Then he said something that made my heart fall to the floor.
Constant life transitions, depression, and apathy have stolen my consistency in my time spent before Jesus’ feet over a few years. I just couldn’t seem to get it together. Then, a series of events and the influence of three women finally helped me get back on that path in a way that only God could have ordained.
Many people are posting memories and notes of encouragement and love on Facebook to a dear friend of mine who is dying of cancer. Each and every one of them touch me deeply. Many make me choke up with a strong combination of joy and tears as I identify with their sentiments. I quickly realized a Facebook post just wouldn’t cut it. Michelle Beckman made too much of an impact on my life to be summed up in a few sentences on a Facebook post. So, instead, I decided to write a letter to her, here, on my blog. I hope this letter is an encouragement to you, even if you never knew Michelle, because of the great truths she showed me along the way.
The past year has been one trial after another. Through each up and down, I’ve sought after God for answers through which He’s spoken different truths into my life. I don’t like to use my blog as a public journal but it is a portal through which I process these lessons and I find healing in that whatever I’m going through I know there’s at least one other person out there who can relate. My hope is that my ongoing journey to the Father will help propel others to His Kingdom.
Even so, with all the difficult times I’ve found myself in of late, I procrastinate sharing these hardships with you. I envision coming to a resolution and tying up the lessons I’ve learned along the way with a pretty red bow. The reality is, I haven’t encountered any pretty red bows thus far as I continue to trudge through the challenges in my life – the waiting, the depression, the uncertainty. They follow me around like Asia’s smog problem, preventing any true clarity from appearing through the cloud. So how do I deal?
My life has been in a transitional stage for the past three years…three years which have seemed like 30. I’ve been waiting on God’s bold declaration saying, “Here’s the course I’m taking you through, turn here!” I know I’m going in the right direction, I just have very little idea where it’s leading me. IContinue reading “Lessons on Waiting from King David and George Muller”
Since my blog post about my struggle with depression and circumstantial infertility, I’ve had many people reach out to me. Several are either in similar circumstances or have struggled with infertility in the past (either circumstantial or biological). Some were in the opposite position – became parents before they were ready. Others resonated with myContinue reading “Am I Alone? Part 3 – Friends Struggling with Depression”