Let’s get one thing out of the way from the start: there is great power in prayer and having a daily habit of prayer in our life is important. But there are many times when prayer isn’t enough.
Imagine getting into a car accident where someone in the other vehicle is seriously injured. Do you just pray for them and then go about your day? No! You call an ambulance! What if that’s how we approached all prayer?
When someone is in great need for prayer, do you also find out what kind of practical help they might need?
In my experience, the times when I have most needed practical help, all I got was a lot of, “I’m sorry you are going through that, I’ll pray for you.” Hearing this response over and over really stings when no one tacks on an additional, “How else can I help?” This simple question could have made a huge difference in my life and to be honest, an answer to my prayers.
How Can I Help?
When someone is in need, there are likely a lot of ways you can help. If the help needed isn’t obvious, the best way of knowing how you can help is simply by saying, “I’m sorry you are going through this. I’m definitely praying for you, but how can I help you in a practical way?” A lot of times they will be able to tell you at least one thing they need help with, maybe more. There are times when either a person is hesitant to receive help for one reason or another. Or, sometimes they just don’t know what kind of help they need.
When I was having a mental breakdown and in the process of being diagnosed with bipolar disorder, few people offered to help. I was simply drowning and yet many people just watched me drown while saying they would pray for me. While I appreciated their prayers, there were specific things I needed. I think this list is just as helpful for someone who is physically ill, grieving someone or something, or dealing with a hard situation, such as divorce or a lawsuit, as it is for someone who is mentally ill.
- Child care. I honestly just needed a break from my responsibility as a mom and my husband could only do so much as he ran our family business. I needed time to work on myself and just didn’t get it.
- Help with house cleaning. Unfolded laundry was piled throughout my living room. Dishes gathered on every surface of my kitchen, even though I used paper products in order to try to keep up. Bathrooms stayed dirty for weeks, etc. Just thirty minutes of someone’s time would have made a big difference. And a clean living space is so good for one’s mental health!
- Meals and groceries. Keeping my family fed was stressful. We ate out a lot! Unhealthy eating habits in combination with medication I was put on, caused me to gain forty pounds within about a month. Not only did I not feel well mentally, but I became unwell physically, too, which didn’t help my mental condition at all. If someone had offered to bring over a healthy meal or pick up some groceries for me, I would have been so grateful.
- Quality time. Being a listening ear or a shoulder to cry on is a huge blessing to someone going through a hard time.
This list is not exhaustive, however these are good ideas to start with if the person in need just doesn’t know what they need. I’m also not saying that no one offered to help me in these ways (I had a few family members for whom I am very grateful), but not enough people offered to help.
Additionally, I want to put in a word for the person in need. I know that you may feel like your problems are a burden to others and you don’t want to put someone out by receiving help. As I am about to get into, helping others is a calling from God. I once had someone tell me, “Don’t be a blessing blocker.” If no one received help, then no one would be able to live out the pursuit of righteousness that God calls us to. If you are drowning in a difficult situation, ask for help and receive help that is offered. When someone says, “I’ll pray for you,” have the courage to respond, “Along with your prayers, I could really use ___.”
Faith Without Works
Helping others is a calling from God. Faith versus works is an age-old debate within the Christian community. I’m of the mind that you can’t have one without the other.
What good is it, my brothers, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can that faith save him? If a brother or sister is poorly clothed and lacking in daily food, and one of you says to them, “Go in peace, be warmed and filled,” without giving them the things needed for the body, what good is that? So also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.
James 2:14-17 (ESV)
We don’t do the right thing in order to be saved from our sins. We do the right thing because, through our salvation, the Holy Spirit fills us and righteousness pours out of us.
This point is demonstrated well in Matthew 25:34-46. In this passage, Jesus tells a story about the end times where a King separates people “as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats.” While some call it a parable, it’s really a description about God’s judgment of the nations immediately after Jesus returns. I mention this passage because it’s a good reality check of where your heart is when people are in need. If your heart is for the Lord and in pursuit of righteousness, you will be willing to help those in need without hesitation.
Jesus concludes this passage in Matthew by saying, “And these [the goats] will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous [the sheep] into eternal life.”
But who is righteous?
None is righteous, no, not one;
no one understands;
no one seeks for God.
All have turned aside; together they have become worthless;
no one does good,
not even one.
Romans 3:10-12 (ESV)
This truth brings us back to the reality that we can not do good works out of our own strength. This way of thinking and doing just isn’t sustainable. We do good works out of the outpouring of the Holy Spirit.
For the one who sows to his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life. And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up. So then, as we have opportunity, let us do good to everyone, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.
Galatians 6:8-10 (ESV)
So, while prayer is wonderful, the next time you learn that someone you know is going through a hard time, ask them how else you can help. The help you offer is an expression of the Holy Spirit working in your life and will enrich your relationship with God as much as it will be a blessing to someone else.
Bethany Marinelli is an author and speaker out of Orlando, Florida. She also supports her husband, Andrew, in his auto repair business and homeschools her son, Arthur.
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