On Christmas Day 2021, I quietly slipped into the TV room at my in-laws house and broke down. My husband found me to see why I had withdrawn from the group. My mental health had been on a steady decline due to stress, and a recent situation compounded my angst. I wanted to go home. Being around people enjoying the holiday while I was in a bad place psychologically made me feel worse. It seemed like there was nothing I could do. Or could there have been?
I have lived with bipolar disorder and social anxiety most of my life. In 2018 I finally had an accurate diagnosis for my mental illness. After several years, I found the right medications and dosages, took time to heal, and learned coping strategies. My experiences with bipolar disorder and anxiety have taught me to plan ahead, to be okay with saying, “No,” and to live in the moment. These strategies can help those who struggle with mental illness–not just get through the holiday season–but to thrive.
Plan Ahead
Being out of your routine can cause stress to your mental health. Make your plans well in advance to help you mentally prepare for the change in regimen. Planning ahead allows you to also make a back-up plan in case you find yourself in a place inwardly where you aren’t coping.
If you meet regularly with a therapist, talk through your holiday plans together. Are there potential negative triggers to your mental health? How are you going to cope?
Are you on medication? I know when I don’t take my medication around the same time every day, I forget. Set an alarm reminder on your phone, especially when travelling or visiting with friends and family at the normal time you take your meds.
Create a schedule for baking, shopping, and decorating well in advance. This way it won’t sneak up on you and you can take each task a little at a time. Stress can be a trigger for mental health symptoms, so plan ahead to avoid being overwhelmed.
Be Okay With Saying, “No”
You don’t have to accept every invitation or participate in every festive event that comes your way, even if it’s something you typically do every year, be okay with missing this one year. Know what your limits are, even if it’s a family gathering you know will put you over the edge. Sure, family is important, but so is your mental health. Find a way to see your family without doing what’s beyond your capacity. Even if that’s telling your family, “This Christmas we’re going to have a quiet day at home, but we would like to have dinner with you on a day after the busy holiday season is over.”
We’re fortunate that we live close enough to our family that we can plan on visits for a set amount of time so that I don’t get overwhelmed. I rarely host get-togethers at my house because I know the triggers and limits of my stress. If you are hosting a get-together, make the start and end times clear from the time of the invitation. Likewise, when hosting family or friends overnight, make sure the time of arrival and departure is clear. If there is any gray area, clear up the uncertainty prior to the event.
Give yourself grace if you realized that you overcommitted. If backing out from a commitment affects other people, be honest with them and they will likely offer you the same grace. If they don’t, remind yourself that having boundaries is okay even if other people don’t understand.
Live in the Moment
Ultimately, remember that the holidays are just one season. I’m reminded of the story of Mary and Martha from Luke 10. Even if you’re not a Bible-believing Christian, I think this story has a message for everyone.
Now as they went on their way, Jesus entered a village. And a woman named Martha welcomed him into her house. And she had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to his teaching. But Martha was distracted with much serving. And she went up to him and said, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to serve alone? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are anxious and troubled about many things, but one thing is necessary. Mary has chosen the good portion, which will not be taken away from her.”
Luke 10:38-42 (ESV)
Mary took time to sit with her guest, while Martha was distracted with many other things, causing her much stress. Martha missed the memories that Mary was making with her dear friend, Jesus. She was taken out of the moment by her worry. What Martha didn’t realize was her time with Jesus was limited.
Jesus would later die on the cross (Luke 23), rose from the dead (Luke 24), and ascend into heaven so that his physical body was no longer on earth (Luke 1:9). Martha would never again be able to spend time with Jesus on Earth in the same way in her lifetime. She would have to wait until she got to heaven to sit at Jesus’s feet once more.
This holiday season, make your mental health a priority. You will be able to enjoy the time with your friends and family more if you plan ahead, decide when to say, “No”, and live in the moment.
Bethany Marinelli is an author and speaker out of Orlando, Florida. She also supports her husband, Andrew, in his auto repair business and homeschools her son, Arthur.
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