My life has had so many moving parts lately, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, awake or asleep. Between my marriage, motherhood, our family business, housekeeping, and many other responsibilities, it’s so easy to feel vanquished. “I’m not enough!” is a phrase I often cry out in defeat at the end of the day. After being overwhelmed by this feeling time and again, I was lead to study Proverbs 31 and found that the thematic difference between the Virtuous Woman (whom I’ve named Aretha) and myself is that she knows she’s enough. Everyone in her life having their place gives her the ability to have everything in a productive order.
Tag Archives: faith
The Virtuous Woman Sets Her Priorities
I have succumbed to the classic lie that nearly every woman believes at least once in her existence. I am not enough. Lately I’ve been fighting this lie standing up, laying down, and often with a flailing 1 ½ year old in my arms, for months. Life has been really hard for a while. I’m trying to hold up the physical, emotional, and financial strain of my present life with one hand and trying to care for my son, my husband, and my many other responsibilities. I’m more likely to feel like a failure than a success.
That’s when I started questioning if I’m really putting what energy I have into the right things.
He Makes All Things New
I remember my baby’s first smile like it was yesterday. He was not quite a month old and I had just come in from walking him in his stroller and as I bent down to pick him up he gave me a bright eyed, ear to ear grin that said, “Thank you for being my mom. I’m so happy to see you!” and it brought tears streaming down my cheeks. “Thank you!” I cried, “I needed that!” You see, these tears did not just come from a postpartum hormonal new mom…
Preparing A Place
I don’t think I ever fully understood the depth of John 14:1-4 until just recently. I grew up with this unrealistic view that heaven was for everyone and everyone will eventually end up there. Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t end up in heaven if they were really bad; I mean really really bad. But, for the most part, the gate was wide open.
Finding My Sacred Space
Constant life transitions, depression, and apathy have stolen my consistency in my time spent before Jesus’ feet over a few years. I just couldn’t seem to get it together. Then, a series of events and the influence of three women finally helped me get back on that path in a way that only God could have ordained.
Saying Goodbye with Joy and Tears
Many people are posting memories and notes of encouragement and love on Facebook to a dear friend of mine who is dying of cancer. Each and every one of them touch me deeply. Many make me choke up with a strong combination of joy and tears as I identify with their sentiments. I quickly realized a Facebook post just wouldn’t cut it. Michelle Beckman made too much of an impact on my life to be summed up in a few sentences on a Facebook post. So, instead, I decided to write a letter to her, here, on my blog. I hope this letter is an encouragement to you, even if you never knew Michelle, because of the great truths she showed me along the way.
Doubt: Sin or Path to Righteousness?
Be patient. Wait. Put one foot in front of the other, and be led blindly down the right path. Trust. Have faith. This has been the theme of my life for the past three years. Then God began to show me a glimmer of the sun rising in the horizon, and yet, I find myself doubting. It’s been so long since I’ve had a true glimmer of hope that I wonder, “For me? Really? Are you sure?” because I’m used to trudging on, one foot at a time sinking into the murky soft ground, requiring each step to be calculated lest I fall. A moving vehicle on solid ground helping me get closer to my dreams is so foreign to me, so I look around and wonder, “Is that really for me?”
Am I Lacking Faith?
The past year has been one trial after another. Through each up and down, I’ve sought after God for answers through which He’s spoken different truths into my life. I don’t like to use my blog as a public journal but it is a portal through which I process these lessons and I find healing in that whatever I’m going through I know there’s at least one other person out there who can relate. My hope is that my ongoing journey to the Father will help propel others to His Kingdom.
Even so, with all the difficult times I’ve found myself in of late, I procrastinate sharing these hardships with you. I envision coming to a resolution and tying up the lessons I’ve learned along the way with a pretty red bow. The reality is, I haven’t encountered any pretty red bows thus far as I continue to trudge through the challenges in my life – the waiting, the depression, the uncertainty. They follow me around like Asia’s smog problem, preventing any true clarity from appearing through the cloud. So how do I deal?
Lessons on Waiting from King David and George Muller
My life has been in a transitional stage for the past three years…three years which have seemed like 30. I’ve been waiting on God’s bold declaration saying, “Here’s the course I’m taking you through, turn here!” I know I’m going in the right direction, I just have very little idea where it’s leading me. IContinue reading “Lessons on Waiting from King David and George Muller”
Am I Alone? Part 3 – Friends Struggling with Depression
Since my blog post about my struggle with depression and circumstantial infertility, I’ve had many people reach out to me. Several are either in similar circumstances or have struggled with infertility in the past (either circumstantial or biological). Some were in the opposite position – became parents before they were ready. Others resonated with myContinue reading “Am I Alone? Part 3 – Friends Struggling with Depression”