The Virtuous Woman Manages Her Life

My life has had so many moving parts lately, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, awake or asleep. Between my marriage, motherhood, our family business, housekeeping, and many other responsibilities, it’s so easy to feel vanquished. “I’m not enough!” is a phrase I often cry out in defeat at the end of the day. After being overwhelmed by this feeling time and again, I was lead to study Proverbs 31 and found that the thematic difference between the Virtuous Woman (whom I’ve named Aretha) and myself is that she knows she’s enough.

In part one I explored how she prioritizes her life in order to love and serve her husband, children, and community well. Everyone in her life having their place gives her the ability to have everything in a productive order.

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The Virtuous Woman Sets Her Priorities

I have succumbed to the classic lie that nearly every woman believes at least once in her existence. I am not enough. Lately I’ve been fighting this lie standing up, laying down, and often with a flailing 1 ½ year old in my arms, for months.

Life has been really hard for a while. Our family business is struggling because of some poor decisions our landlord has made. My husband is more often than not putting out fires at our shop in the after-hours than home with our family. I’m still working on regaining my health from my postpartum complications and learning to except the physical and emotional scars that experience has left. Our marriage has suffered after having to deal with one crisis after another. I’m trying to hold up the physical, emotional, and financial strain of my present life with one hand and trying to care for my son, my husband, and my many other responsibilities with the other. I’m more likely to feel like a failure than a success.

That’s when I started questioning if I’m really putting what energy I have into the right things. There are only 24 hours in a day, after all. What was God calling me to in this onerous season of life? I was led to study Proverbs 31. What does this “Virtuous Woman” have that I don’t have? What is she doing that I am missing? How is she finding success in her many ventures? The answers surprised me a little. Join me as I walk through answering these questions in this two-part series.Continue reading “The Virtuous Woman Sets Her Priorities”

What It’s Like to Have an Anxiety Attack and Still Believe in God

There’s noise all around me. The TV is humming it’s daily tune, ceasing to drown out reality. I’m alone. A sudden wave of fear flutters up inside me. My thoughts plod through my head like a thousand runners vying for the top spot.

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One Year Post-Trauma

Someone recently said to me, “I have no idea what would be like to face the anniversary of the day I almost died.”

“It’s more than just that,” I replied.

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My Battle with Body Image After Postpartum Trauma

Body image was not something that I struggled with as a teenager. It’s not like I thought I was gorgeous – I had other insecurities about my looks – but I was athletic with a fast metabolism and clothes fit me well and easily. My insecurities were many (i.e. I’ve battled life-long depression, which went untreated for 26 years), but they had different roots.

Umbilical Hernia and Rectus Diastases

After 12 years working in youth ministry with pre-teen and teen girls, I thought I had all the answers for those struggling with body image. “God made you unique,” and “God made you the way you are for a reason,” and “God made you beautiful just the way you are.” I had a host of Bible verses to back up what I told these girls (Psalm 139 and 1 Samuel 16 were my favorite) and never thought twice about it…until I was in their shoes.

The thing is, now that I have my own body image issues at 34 years old, I can’t take my own advice. Continue reading “My Battle with Body Image After Postpartum Trauma”

Giving Thanks For the Hard Things

It’s easy to give thanks for friends and family, for jobs and churches and all the other good stuff going on in our lives. We should be thankful for those things. It’s easy to be thankful for those things. As I look back on the past year I have realized that it’s harder to give thanks for the hurt, the misfortunes, the devastation in our lives.Continue reading “Giving Thanks For the Hard Things”

No Insurance, No Worries

Over the last year I’ve had a big flare up of my depression and anxiety. I gave birth to my first child (a beautiful boy!), almost died, subsequently experienced PTSD and have been through hours and hours of various forms of therapy in my recovery, and resumed my role in our new family business. It’s been extremely overwhelming. I certainly don’t need any more on my plate!

As open enrollment for health insurance has a lot of my friends stressed and in a tizzy, I sit by as cool as a cucumber. Paying my medical bills (nearly $400,000 from my maternity care, to childbirth, to 3 weeks in and out of ICU, and recovery care) has been the least of my concerns over the past year. The reason? I don’t have insurance.
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Healing Mind, Body, and Spirit

I sat on my in-laws couch the morning after being discharged from the hospital, where I was critically ill for most of my one-month old son’s life, and I look at his tiny face.

Who is this child?

What is he like?

What does he like?

What doesn’t he like?

My parents knew. My in-laws knew. I had no idea. He was a stranger to me. I was supposed to love this itty bitty baby but my heart was filled with grief. Disbelief. Confusion.Continue reading “Healing Mind, Body, and Spirit”

He Makes All Things New

About a year ago I sat in church on Easter Sunday holding back tears as I watched a beautiful little toddler dance wobbly next to the rows of chairs. I had been wanting a child of my own very badly, but situation and means prevented us. When my husband and I got in the car he told me that he was ready to start our family. The tears came forth, but transformed from longing to relief.

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Preparing A Place

“Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father’s house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going.” John 14:1-4

I don’t think I ever fully understood the depth of this passage until just recently. I grew up with this unrealistic view that heaven was for everyone and everyone will eventually end up there. Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t end up in heaven if they were really bad; I mean really really bad. But, for the most part, the gate was wide open.

Read at a surface level, this passage may have proven my point – Don’t worry, my Father’s house has plenty of rooms. It’s this wide open, doors unlocked mansion, and I’m making it ready for you, so just chill and meet me there someday. So casual, so welcoming, so open. If you read it like that, than you are missing the whole point.Continue reading “Preparing A Place”