I wrongly assumed that the rebuilding had to do only with the physical – our business, our finances, the physical needs of our family, our community, my mental health. The physical, yes. But that’s only a small part of it. First the spiritual. If the spiritual isn’t built up, then the strength for the physical is not. It’s all rooted in the spiritual.
Tag Archives: where is god
Saying Goodbye with Joy and Tears
Many people are posting memories and notes of encouragement and love on Facebook to a dear friend of mine who is dying of cancer. Each and every one of them touch me deeply. Many make me choke up with a strong combination of joy and tears as I identify with their sentiments. I quickly realized a Facebook post just wouldn’t cut it. Michelle Beckman made too much of an impact on my life to be summed up in a few sentences on a Facebook post. So, instead, I decided to write a letter to her, here, on my blog. I hope this letter is an encouragement to you, even if you never knew Michelle, because of the great truths she showed me along the way.
Doubt: Sin or Path to Righteousness?
Be patient. Wait. Put one foot in front of the other, and be led blindly down the right path. Trust. Have faith. This has been the theme of my life for the past three years. Then God began to show me a glimmer of the sun rising in the horizon, and yet, I find myself doubting. It’s been so long since I’ve had a true glimmer of hope that I wonder, “For me? Really? Are you sure?” because I’m used to trudging on, one foot at a time sinking into the murky soft ground, requiring each step to be calculated lest I fall. A moving vehicle on solid ground helping me get closer to my dreams is so foreign to me, so I look around and wonder, “Is that really for me?”
Am I Lacking Faith?
The past year has been one trial after another. Through each up and down, I’ve sought after God for answers through which He’s spoken different truths into my life. I don’t like to use my blog as a public journal but it is a portal through which I process these lessons and I find healing in that whatever I’m going through I know there’s at least one other person out there who can relate. My hope is that my ongoing journey to the Father will help propel others to His Kingdom.
Even so, with all the difficult times I’ve found myself in of late, I procrastinate sharing these hardships with you. I envision coming to a resolution and tying up the lessons I’ve learned along the way with a pretty red bow. The reality is, I haven’t encountered any pretty red bows thus far as I continue to trudge through the challenges in my life – the waiting, the depression, the uncertainty. They follow me around like Asia’s smog problem, preventing any true clarity from appearing through the cloud. So how do I deal?
Lessons on Waiting from King David and George Muller
My life has been in a transitional stage for the past three years…three years which have seemed like 30. I’ve been waiting on God’s bold declaration saying, “Here’s the course I’m taking you through, turn here!” I know I’m going in the right direction, I just have very little idea where it’s leading me. IContinue reading “Lessons on Waiting from King David and George Muller”
How I Get Out of Bed in the Midst of Depression
The past couple months have been some of the most challenging since I had a major bout of depression 6 years ago. Thankfully, my depression hasn’t gotten as bad as it was six years ago, but living with depression, no matter how severe, is always rough. Over the years, I’ve discovered some ways that helpContinue reading “How I Get Out of Bed in the Midst of Depression”
Are You Pregnant?
It was one of those pieces of news that’s like a punch in the gut…and it felt wrong to be feeling that way. I opened the envelope from my friend to discover she and her husband were expecting their second child. I cried off and on all day. My husband came home from work, IContinue reading “Are You Pregnant?”
Why Waiting on God is Better than Doing it Ourselves
Our lives are full of decisions. As a follower of Christ, I’ve learned to make decisions based on where God calls me rather than what satisfies me for the moment. Over the years I’ve learned a lot about God’s plan for my life and it hasn’t turned out much like I thought it would. IContinue reading “Why Waiting on God is Better than Doing it Ourselves”
If Anything Can Go Well, Will It?
Is the power of positive thinking enough to overcome circumstances? This is a question I’ve been pondering over the past several months as I drive around Orlando, Florida. The reason I’ve been pondering this question so deeply is that I keep seeing this bumper sticker–if you live in Orlando, you’ve likely seen it too– “IfContinue reading “If Anything Can Go Well, Will It?”
Desert Wilderness
Is it ok for a Christian to sit in a spiritual desert? That time in a believer’s life when one feels distant from God no matter how hard he seeks him, the spiritual desert, is a term that’s often thrown around but not often addressed. It doesn’t feel good to be there but is itContinue reading “Desert Wilderness”
Confession
Confession. I have intimately conversed with suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions. If you have read my previous posts discussing my struggle with depression or had any kind of deep conversation with me, this may not come as a shock to you. I tell you in light of Isaac Hunter’s death to explain that it isContinue reading “Confession”
Conflicted
Dear Friends of Summit Church, In the past year we’ve been through a lot. We’ve watched our lead pastor, Isaac Hunter, leave the church after committing adultery. We’ve cried out in horror when the media had a hay-day with his sin, putting not only him but also his wife, children, parents, and us in aContinue reading “Conflicted”
Disappointment
I’ve recently faced a disappointment which led to what seems to be a dead-end that presents itself as another disappointment. The obvious question running through my mind is “now what?” Without really directing it to God, He responds, “wait.” So, here’s how the conversation goes: Me: Now what? God: Wait. Me: I wasn’t talking toContinue reading “Disappointment”
Black and White
Change has become the new normal for my life. I always thought that I was pretty good at change but that was when my life had a fluid consistency, like the comfort of a classic black and white feel good movie, so adding a little splash of color and adventure now and again was welcomed. Continue reading “Black and White”
Dreams and (Un-)answered Prayer?
Lately my mind has been filled with dreams; longings for the future. I’ve been gazing down a winding path of uncertain hopefulness of things that could be. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been considering what I’ve accomplished over the past thirty years and where I’d like to be. There is a songContinue reading “Dreams and (Un-)answered Prayer?”
My Plans over 30 Years of Life
Today I turn thirty years old. About a month ago, when it dawned on me that I was really going to be 3-0 years, I started to freak out. I was both excited and afraid. I began asking myself what I’d done with my life, reflecting on my current reality compared to my plans andContinue reading “My Plans over 30 Years of Life”
When God takes Second
Who is your God? Mine can be so hard to define sometimes, and yet I live a life that would suggest the answer to be simple. Daily I read the Bible where over and over and over again it says, God is the only God and there should be no other. However, I live inContinue reading “When God takes Second”
The “Sensitive” One: My Lifelong Journey of Depression
I have always been accused of being, “sensitive.” It’s a labeled I’ve carried well just because it was how I was labeled. It’s a label I’ve denied, trying to overcome in my own power. It’s a label I’ve searched deep and high and far and wide for reasons and meaning. Up and down my wholeContinue reading “The “Sensitive” One: My Lifelong Journey of Depression”