I’ve heard a lot of women who have experienced a health crisis, for example, say, “I’m not strong. I’m sick and I didn’t ask to be.” When my first crisis hit – a health crisis – I suddenly knew exactly what they meant.
Category Archives: Knowing God
Rebuilding My Life After Sheer Destruction
I wrongly assumed that the rebuilding had to do only with the physical – our business, our finances, the physical needs of our family, our community, my mental health. The physical, yes. But that’s only a small part of it. First the spiritual. If the spiritual isn’t built up, then the strength for the physical is not. It’s all rooted in the spiritual.
Centering On Peace Amidst Tension
It’s been extremely difficult for me to follow the news and watch the political climate of our country unfold over the past three months. Yes, there have been so many hardships and so we’re all becoming news weary. It’s all been very emotional. Unfortunately, because my mental health has been poor to begin with, I am unable to handle emotions very well. The emotional energy needed to sort through current events and various opinions and viewpoints have worn me down. I know that I’m not the only one.
The Virtuous Woman Manages Her Life
My life has had so many moving parts lately, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going, awake or asleep. Between my marriage, motherhood, our family business, housekeeping, and many other responsibilities, it’s so easy to feel vanquished. “I’m not enough!” is a phrase I often cry out in defeat at the end of the day. After being overwhelmed by this feeling time and again, I was lead to study Proverbs 31 and found that the thematic difference between the Virtuous Woman (whom I’ve named Aretha) and myself is that she knows she’s enough. Everyone in her life having their place gives her the ability to have everything in a productive order.
What It’s Like to Have an Anxiety Attack and Still Believe in God
Like a gigantic ocean wave washing over a small child, you don’t know which way is up but you need to breathe, you need to think. Or not think. Or…find the ocean floor to rest your heavy body or the open sky to finally catch your breath.
He Makes All Things New
I remember my baby’s first smile like it was yesterday. He was not quite a month old and I had just come in from walking him in his stroller and as I bent down to pick him up he gave me a bright eyed, ear to ear grin that said, “Thank you for being my mom. I’m so happy to see you!” and it brought tears streaming down my cheeks. “Thank you!” I cried, “I needed that!” You see, these tears did not just come from a postpartum hormonal new mom…
Preparing A Place
I don’t think I ever fully understood the depth of John 14:1-4 until just recently. I grew up with this unrealistic view that heaven was for everyone and everyone will eventually end up there. Maybe, just maybe, they wouldn’t end up in heaven if they were really bad; I mean really really bad. But, for the most part, the gate was wide open.
It Could Be Me, But I Will Not Fear
This week a madman spread destruction through a gay nightclub just a few miles from where I live; close enough that I could picture the location and its surroundings exactly. Facebook asked me to let people know if I was ok. My doctor’s office, right next door, sent out notification that all appointments are cancelled until further notice. I used to work just around the corner. That hit a little too close to home.
Doubt: Sin or Path to Righteousness?
Be patient. Wait. Put one foot in front of the other, and be led blindly down the right path. Trust. Have faith. This has been the theme of my life for the past three years. Then God began to show me a glimmer of the sun rising in the horizon, and yet, I find myself doubting. It’s been so long since I’ve had a true glimmer of hope that I wonder, “For me? Really? Are you sure?” because I’m used to trudging on, one foot at a time sinking into the murky soft ground, requiring each step to be calculated lest I fall. A moving vehicle on solid ground helping me get closer to my dreams is so foreign to me, so I look around and wonder, “Is that really for me?”
Am I Lacking Faith?
The past year has been one trial after another. Through each up and down, I’ve sought after God for answers through which He’s spoken different truths into my life. I don’t like to use my blog as a public journal but it is a portal through which I process these lessons and I find healing in that whatever I’m going through I know there’s at least one other person out there who can relate. My hope is that my ongoing journey to the Father will help propel others to His Kingdom.
Even so, with all the difficult times I’ve found myself in of late, I procrastinate sharing these hardships with you. I envision coming to a resolution and tying up the lessons I’ve learned along the way with a pretty red bow. The reality is, I haven’t encountered any pretty red bows thus far as I continue to trudge through the challenges in my life – the waiting, the depression, the uncertainty. They follow me around like Asia’s smog problem, preventing any true clarity from appearing through the cloud. So how do I deal?
The Journey to My Father's Kingdom 