Author Archives: bamarinelli

Self Image: Body, Mind & Spirit

Lithium. The most prescribed medication for Bipolar Disorder and yet it seemed to make things worse. My moods were still out of control. I was mean. I was severely lethargic to the point that I shouldn’t have been driving, but I was manic, so I did anyway. I gained weight and developed cystic acne. WhyContinue reading “Self Image: Body, Mind & Spirit”

Beautifully Broken

I had the skewed idea that since I was a Christian, my sins washed clean by the blood of Christ, I should always appear completely whole. I believed my insides should always be overflowing with praise to God for His Goodness, my outsides should continually exude Christ’s joy.

When Prayer Isn’t Enough

Screams escaped me like a steaming kettle. There was no way to turn down the burner, no hand to pull it off of the heat. My mom was at a loss as to how to help me. She showed me my face in a mirror but I didn’t recognize that girl.

Fighting Anger

Our society is currently filled with a lot of anger due to a conglomeration of current events. Anger seeps into conversation like the serpent snuck into the garden of Eden. Anger destroys relationships. Anger destroys people. I’ve struggled with anger my whole life. It builds up quickly and overtakes my rational mind like the flick of a match.

For Better, For Worse

As we said our vows on December 30th, 2011, we meant it. It’s idyllic. We had typical newlywed expectations that, over time, changed as reality set in. It’s one thing to say the vows, it’s another thing to live them.

Hearing God

Connecting with God through listening prayer can be impactful for you, those you know, and those He knows. But it’s not enough for you to only have these conversations. You also need to act on them. What benefit is there to have a talk with God in the presence of His Spirit if you don’t do anything with what He’s told you?

The Battle Between Mental Illness and Physical Fitness

You can’t just wish it away. Wherever “away” is, it will follow you. When you wake up in the morning it is there pinning you to your bed. When you get ready for the day, you fight with every ounce of your strength to do mundane things, like brushing your teeth or pulling up your pants. When someone is talking to you and you have a smile on your face to mask the fact that you aren’t alright, all you want to do is find a dark hole to curl up in so that you don’t have to act like a functioning human being.

Is She Really A Strong Woman?

I’ve heard a lot of women who have experienced a health crisis, for example, say, “I’m not strong. I’m sick and I didn’t ask to be.” When my first crisis hit – a health crisis – I suddenly knew exactly what they meant.

The Truth About My Postpartum Story – Part 3: Fight to Get Home

It finally came, I was discharged.  My nearly month-old son was there. My in-laws were there. My sister-in-law and my brother-in-law-in-law (what I call her husband) had just gotten to town. My youngest sister-in-law was there, too. I dressed painfully in the outfit I was wearing when I arrived at the hospital. They had washedContinue reading “The Truth About My Postpartum Story – Part 3: Fight to Get Home”

My Truth About My Postpartum Story – Part 2: Intensive Care Unit

…I was in and out. Sometimes I woke up and couldn’t move. Strapped to the bed. Until they thought I didn’t need the straps anymore. One day…night…?…I woke up in panic. What’s all this stuff on my face, in my mouth, choking me, silencing me. Get it off! Get it off! I grabbed and grabbed and then my husband is on top of me holding down my arms, my body, “Nurse! NURSE! I need some help in here!” People rushed in. Held me down. Strapped me in. Rushed something into my IV and…gone. Out like a light.

My Truth About My Postpartum Story – Part 1: The Ambulance

I haven’t told my story – the story that continually haunts me. I haven’t told my story. Not to me. Not to anyone. Not completely. Little snippets here and there, but not in its entirety. It took me a long time to gather the memories. I haven’t told my story, but in order to completely heal. In order to move on. In the case that someone else has a similar unique story, I need to tell my story.

When The Mountain Will Not Break You

The obvious point of the good Samaritan story is that we should love our neighbor, no matter how broken or difficult they are. This story and “The Golden Rule” are well accepted in society as common sense good morals. It’s just good teaching. However, when you look a little deeper, your eyes are opened to the between the lines. I am the robbed, beaten, unconscious, wounded man with nothing left in the world. I’m not good enough for the priest to take notice. I’m too much of a bother for the Levite to take notice. I’m hanging on for dear life and completely helpless.

Rebuilding My Life After Sheer Destruction

I wrongly assumed that the rebuilding had to do only with the physical – our business, our finances, the physical needs of our family, our community, my mental health. The physical, yes. But that’s only a small part of it. First the spiritual. If the spiritual isn’t built up, then the strength for the physical is not. It’s all rooted in the spiritual.

Fasting Current Events

Presidential elections, racial injustice, killer virus, and on and on and on. Everywhere you turn, it’s there. It’s a flyer hanging on your door with someone smiling. Usually a man. Usually white. Many times surrounded by a beautiful wife and two or three darling children in well coordinated clothing. Maybe even matching. Maybe even aContinue reading “Fasting Current Events”