Author Archives: bamarinelli

Am I Alone? Part 2 – Friends Who Became Moms Before Me

Since my blog post about my struggle with depression and circumstantial infertility, I’ve had many people reach out to me. Several are either in similar circumstances or have struggled with infertility in the past (either circumstantial or biological). Some were in the opposite position – became parents before they were ready. Others resonated with myContinue reading “Am I Alone? Part 2 – Friends Who Became Moms Before Me”

Am I Alone? Part 1 – Friends Waiting to Be a Mom

Since my last blog post about my struggle with depression and circumstantial infertility, I’ve had many people reach out to me. Several are either in similar circumstances or have struggled with infertility in the past (either circumstantial or biological). Some were in the opposite position – became parents before they were ready. Others resonated withContinue reading “Am I Alone? Part 1 – Friends Waiting to Be a Mom”

How I Get Out of Bed in the Midst of Depression

The past couple months have been some of the most challenging since I had a major bout of depression 6 years ago. Thankfully, my depression hasn’t gotten as bad as it was six years ago, but living with depression, no matter how severe, is always rough. Over the years, I’ve discovered some ways that helpContinue reading “How I Get Out of Bed in the Midst of Depression”

Time: Friend or Enemy?

The internal war wages in my soul at a fast and unending pace. My mind spins at a dizzying intensity. Conflicted. “Go faster!…No! Slow down!” The war is in all of us. For some, you’re blissfully in the eye of the storm. For others, we’re living in the heat of it. Clattering. Blowing. Banging. ThisContinue reading “Time: Friend or Enemy?”

How Marrying a Mechanic Changed My Life

As a little girl I imagined marrying an business man, much like my father. As a college student I was sure I’d marry a man doing full-time Christian ministry or a missionary. Instead, I married a mechanic. Even more to my surprise, my husband’s profession has become a part of my own identity, just as much as my own job has.

Are You Pregnant?

It was one of those pieces of news that’s like a punch in the gut…and it felt wrong to be feeling that way. I opened the envelope from my friend to discover she and her husband were expecting their second child. I cried off and on all day. My husband came home from work, IContinue reading “Are You Pregnant?”

When the Future Seems Unclear

Many people who know him do not know that my husband, Andrew, is a very talented musician. In 2007 he graduated with a degree in music education. Though piano is his primary instrument, he picked up the clarinet in college and considered pursuing a master’s degree in clarinet performance. Then one day he walked intoContinue reading “When the Future Seems Unclear”

Selfies, Usies, and My Hilarious Husband

You can’t use social media without seeing at least a dozen selfies. As technology has progressed and posting a picture takes only seconds, selfies have become more and more prevalent. Everybody’s doing it. My husband and I often talk about how the selfie may be leading our culture away from God. While selfies seem ratherContinue reading “Selfies, Usies, and My Hilarious Husband”

Why Waiting on God is Better than Doing it Ourselves

Our lives are full of decisions. As a follower of Christ, I’ve learned to make decisions based on where God calls me rather than what satisfies me for the moment. Over the years I’ve learned a lot about God’s plan for my life and it hasn’t turned out much like I thought it would. IContinue reading “Why Waiting on God is Better than Doing it Ourselves”

If Anything Can Go Well, Will It?

Is the power of positive thinking enough to overcome circumstances? This is a question I’ve been pondering over the past several months as I drive around Orlando, Florida. The reason I’ve been pondering this question so deeply is that I keep seeing this bumper sticker–if you live in Orlando, you’ve likely seen it too– “IfContinue reading “If Anything Can Go Well, Will It?”

Is 10% Enough?

Many Christians believe that being a good steward is only being wise in one’s finances and giving a tithe of 10% of their income to the church.  I’ve come to understand stewardship to be so much more in the way God has been working in my life recently. What is Biblical Stewardship? Biblical stewardship isContinue reading “Is 10% Enough?”

Desert Wilderness

Is it ok for a Christian to sit in a spiritual desert?  That time in a believer’s life when one feels distant from God no matter how hard he seeks him, the spiritual desert, is a term that’s often thrown around but not often addressed.  It doesn’t feel good to be there but is itContinue reading “Desert Wilderness”

Confession

Confession.  I have intimately conversed with suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions. If you have read my previous posts discussing my struggle with depression or had any kind of deep conversation with me, this may not come as a shock to you.  I tell you in light of Isaac Hunter’s death to explain that it isContinue reading “Confession”

Conflicted

Dear Friends of Summit Church, In the past year we’ve been through a lot.  We’ve watched our lead pastor, Isaac Hunter, leave the church after committing adultery.  We’ve cried out in horror when the media had a hay-day with his sin, putting not only him but also his wife, children, parents, and us in aContinue reading “Conflicted”

Disappointment

I’ve recently faced a disappointment which led to what seems to be a dead-end that presents itself as another disappointment.  The obvious question running through my mind is “now what?” Without really directing it to God, He responds, “wait.” So, here’s how the conversation goes: Me: Now what? God: Wait. Me:  I wasn’t talking toContinue reading “Disappointment”

Black and White

Change has become the new normal for my life.  I always thought that I was pretty good at change but that was when my life had a fluid consistency, like  the comfort of a classic black and white feel good movie, so adding a little splash of color and adventure now and again was welcomed. Continue reading “Black and White”

Dreams and (Un-)answered Prayer?

Lately my mind has been filled with dreams; longings for the future. I’ve been gazing down a winding path of uncertain hopefulness of things that could be. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been considering what I’ve accomplished over the past thirty years and where I’d like to be. There is a songContinue reading “Dreams and (Un-)answered Prayer?”

My Plans over 30 Years of Life

Today I turn thirty years old.  About a month ago, when it dawned on me that I was really going to be 3-0 years, I started to freak out.  I was both excited and afraid.  I began asking myself what I’d done with my life, reflecting on my current reality compared to my plans andContinue reading “My Plans over 30 Years of Life”

When God takes Second

Who is your God?  Mine can be so hard to define sometimes, and yet I live a life that would suggest the answer to be simple.  Daily I read the Bible where over and over and over again it says, God is the only God and there should be no other.  However, I live inContinue reading “When God takes Second”

The Lord of My Ring

I fell off a dock when I was about 8 or 9.  It seemed like it was about ten feet to the water below and I was scared, so I grabbed the edge of the dock and hung on as though my life depended on it.  It really wasn’t that far down and I wasContinue reading “The Lord of My Ring”

The “Sensitive” One: My Lifelong Journey of Depression

I have always been accused of being, “sensitive.”  It’s a labeled I’ve carried well just because it was how I was labeled.  It’s a label I’ve denied, trying to overcome in my own power.  It’s a label I’ve searched deep and high and far and wide for reasons and meaning.  Up and down my wholeContinue reading “The “Sensitive” One: My Lifelong Journey of Depression”

Washing Dishes

One thing I dislike about being married is the extra dishes in the sink.  However, one thing I really like about being married is having someone to care for. Before I got married I didn’t really enjoy doing things around the house like cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming.  I always, always, always, detested doing theContinue reading “Washing Dishes”

Unknown

The first day of the year is just a day. It’s also a reason to look back and contemplate the year’s past and to have renewed hope for the year to come.  January first, 2012 had especially high hopes for me as I had been married all of two days.  Having my husband by myContinue reading “Unknown”