Since my blog post about my struggle with depression and circumstantial infertility, I’ve had many people reach out to me. Several are either in similar circumstances or have struggled with infertility in the past (either circumstantial or biological). Some were in the opposite position – became parents before they were ready. Others resonated with my struggle with depression.
I think people are responding so strongly because I’m talking about things so many people are thinking but are afraid to discuss openly. I’ve realized recently that I really love talking about those things which most people are thinking about but afraid to discuss openly and when I do, they love to talk about it. If we feel alone, we don’t want to say anything to prevent further isolation, but if we know we can’t be alone in what we’re experiencing, why not let people know, “Hey! Me too!”Continue reading “Am I Alone? Part 2 – Friends Who Became Moms Before Me”
Since my last blog post about my struggle with depression and circumstantial infertility, I’ve had many people reach out to me. Several are either in similar circumstances or have struggled with infertility in the past (either circumstantial or biological). Some were in the opposite position – became parents before they were ready. Others resonated with my struggle with depression.
I think people are responding so strongly because I’m talking about things so many people are thinking but are afraid to discuss openly. I’ve realized recently that I really love talking about those things which most people are thinking about but afraid to discuss openly and when I do, they love to talk about it. If we feel alone, we don’t want to say anything to prevent further isolation, but if we know we can’t be alone in what we’re experiencing, why not let people know, “Hey! Me too!”
As this was the most feedback I’ve ever gotten from my blog, I decided to compile some of my thoughts based on those who responded in this three part blog series.
The past couple months have been some of the most challenging since I had a major bout of depression 6 years ago. Thankfully, my depression hasn’t gotten as bad as it was six years ago, but living with depression, no matter how severe, is always rough. Over the years, I’ve discovered some ways that help me cope with my depression in the day to day.Continue reading “How I Get Out of Bed in the Midst of Depression”
The internal war wages in my soul at a fast and unending pace. My mind spins at a dizzying intensity. Conflicted. “Go faster!…No! Slow down!”
The war is in all of us. For some, you’re blissfully in the eye of the storm. For others, we’re living in the heat of it. Clattering. Blowing. Banging.
This is my birthday month; something I’m usually childishly excited about. I’ve always thought I’d always be excited about my birthday no matter how old I became. This year, I dread the day. Maybe it’s just for this year…or maybe I’ve just discovered the reason people stop getting excited about being another year older.Continue reading “Time: Friend or Enemy?”
As a little girl I imagined marrying an business man, much like my father. As a college student I was sure I’d marry a man doing full-time Christian ministry or a missionary. Instead, I married a mechanic. Even more to my surprise, my husband’s profession has become a part of my own identity, just as much as my own job has.
Starting our own shop has been a long journey. It’s hard to say when the journey actually started. Andrew’s been talking about doing this since before we began dating in 2011. At times the conversation was more serious than others. Then, last summer Andrew became really serious about making it happen. It had been such an up and down journey already that, to be completely honest, it took me some time to get on board. I’m now very glad we made this leap of faith and am very proud of my husband for what he is doing…especially after all the joys and trials we’ve experienced along the way.Continue reading “How Marrying a Mechanic Changed My Life”
It was one of those pieces of news that’s like a punch in the gut…and it felt wrong to be feeling that way. I opened the envelope from my friend to discover she and her husband were expecting their second child. I cried off and on all day. My husband came home from work, I cried again, and he consoled me knowing he couldn’t fix it.
Certain life stages are meant to be the most joy-filled times of our lives. Starting a new career. Marriage. Having children. When the weight of time sends these joyous moments to the wind, a spark that can begin the downward spiral toward depression.Continue reading “Are You Pregnant?”
Many people who know him do not know that my husband, Andrew, is a very talented musician. In 2007 he graduated with a degree in music education. Though piano is his primary instrument, he picked up the clarinet in college and considered pursuing a master’s degree in clarinet performance. Then one day he walked into a auto-mechanic shop to get his car worked on and something shifted. Andrew suddenly had a desire to learn auto mechanics.
He left that day and began praying, talking to friends and mentors, and eventually decided to enroll in mechanic school with a vision of serving God by helping people in a practical way. Andrew suspected that God was calling him into a new pursuit because he felt a sudden strong desire (out of nowhere) to learn about this field. This was a rare occurrence for someone who wanted to be faithful but didn’t have much clarity for what that might look like.
An “Usie” of my cat and I using photobooth on my Macbook.
You can’t use social media without seeing at least a dozen selfies. As technology has progressed and posting a picture takes only seconds, selfies have become more and more prevalent. Everybody’s doing it. My husband and I often talk about how the selfie may be leading our culture away from God.
While selfies seem rather harmless–and some completely are–they are also reinforcing ideals of vanity in our culture. They are particularly dangerous amongst girls and women with body image issues or similar insecurities. Comparison games have become so much easier to play through social media and the invention of the selfie. God distinctly warns against vanity throughout scripture.
“Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised.” Proverbs 31:30
Samuel learns about vanity in choosing the king of Israel, “For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart.”Again, when considering whether or not a person can obtain salvation, God spoke through the Apostle Paul who said, “We are not commending ourselves to you again but giving you cause to boast about us, so that you may be able to answer those who boast about outward appearance and not about what is in the heart.” We cannot be saved by how we appear but by what is in our heart.
Social media gives us an avenue to appear a certain way to hundreds of people on a daily basis. When you post anything, particularly a selfie, I would like to challenge you to consider your motivation behind it. My husband and I concluded that an acceptable selfie is when the center of attention is something other than your face or other body part (baby bumps excluded as it’s really about the baby).
Some acceptable selfies, for example, are when you found a deal on a unique fashion accessory you are excited to show off or you went to an interesting place and there is no one else to take a photo for proof. Additionally, we don’t need a three times daily account of your most recent adventure; all in moderation, please.
Also acceptable, if someone else is in the picture, it is not a selfie. My dad likes to call this an “usie.” If someone else took the photo, it is not a selfie. Another type of photo which is not a selfie is one which is actually a self-provided picture of practical purpose. To expound on this principle, and for your reading pleasure, here is a wonderfully hysterical e-mail exchange (with permission) between my husband and his sister, Melissa. Melissa knows Andrew is not fond of selfies, so as sisters do, she thought she’d have a little fun with him…and boy did he have some fun in return!
Andrew,
I just wanted to let you know that I took a selfie the other day. True, it was to put on an important document. And it was with a webcam. It was not for a frivolous purpose. Still it was a selfie.
And then today. I bought a new cell phone. It comes with a camera. I was lying on my bed inspecting my new cell phone and trying out the camera function. I raised the phone, positioned it above me, and took what can only be described as a selfie.
I wanted to let you know about these happenings in my life. Knew you´d receive this news with great appreciation!
Melissa
Dear sister,
It was with a heavy heart that I write back to you concerning this most unfortunate circumstance in which you find yourself.
It has become clear to me that you had honorable intention in taking this first selfie. Perhaps this is where your error in judgment began. For it was not a selfie that you took, it was a practical self-provided picture for a legitimate purpose. This is something that even I would be willing to do. I too am prone to errors in judgment; however, I know that when it comes to selfies, I am always 110% right in everything that I think and say, and that it is important that I express my views to all people, on every possible occasion (for their own good of course, but what else could come from a person as kind-hearted and magnanimous as I…) I too would take this “selfie” knowing that it is not actually a selfie. I believe the correct acronym is SPPOPP (“self-provided picture of practical purpose”). One should (of course) be sure to pronounce all of the p’s; in weighty matters such as these, one cannot be too careful!
Alas, you took a SPPOPP thinking it was a selfie. This (of course) opened (wrongly) the door of your mind to the possibility (non-existent) that a selfie can ever be an appropriate choice. This course of action can be almost impossible to undo, but take heart, there are known cases in which people in most unfortunate circumstances (such as yours) have been able to revert back to a complete, unyielding, and most solidly secured opposition to all taking of selfies.
As for the method of treatment, it is actually quite simple. It requires only will-power and the (completely obvious) realization that everything I’m saying is immediately evident as completely true, irrefutable, reliable, and (in all other aspects, real or imagined) correct.
The method of treatment is to take the camera or phone (It, of course, must be the same object with which said selfie was procured) and to spend an entire 24 hour period taking pictures of a blank wall. These pictures must be taken once every five minutes, and no sleep, food, or any rest may be taken until the 24 hour period has expired. In between pictures, it is (of course) necessary to examine each photo thoroughly for any possible object of interest or imperfection in the surface. It goes without saying that said surface must be as plain and boring as possible.
Upon the conclusion of said 24 hours, you will (undoubtedly and most assuredly) have a complete, total, and unyielding revulsion to the now contaminated object which was used to procure the selfie. Sadly, the object cannot be de-contaminated. You will (undoubtedly) see the need to immediately rid yourself of said object and procure a replacement. Should the slightest temptation to take a selfie ever arise again, you will (most assuredly) remember this experience, and said memory will (undoubtedly) quash any possibility of falling into this most undesirable situation a second time. (Let’s not even begin to touch on what is necessary to help those who have fallen into this situation multiple times.)
I am most confident that you will make a most effective, quick, and complete recovery, and I commend you for reaching out for help. It is (of course) obvious that your email was a cry for help, disguised (most assuredly) as a joke, and I am most glad that I could be of most competent and reliable assistance in this dark hour.
Your most truly, sincerely, and with all manner of applicable salutations.
Andrew
I hope you found this exchange as hysterical as the three of us did. I also hope you consider weighing the motivation of the selfies you post in the future. Are you playing into the hands of cultural vanity or is there a deeper purpose which is honoring to God?
The summer after college I spent 3 weeks doing ministry in Colorado–an event that would reroute the direction of my life! (I’m the one wearing the hat)
Our lives are full of decisions. As a follower of Christ, I’ve learned to make decisions based on where God calls me rather than what satisfies me for the moment. Over the years I’ve learned a lot about God’s plan for my life and it hasn’t turned out much like I thought it would. I have made many wrong turns along the way and yet continued to be amazed at how God uses those mistakes to put me back on the path of pursuing Him daily.
Who hasn’t asked at one time or another, “What is God’s plan for my life? When will God show up?”
When Our Plan Seems Better than God’s Plan
God said to Noah and his descendants, “stay here.” Nimrod, Noah’s great grandson, and his people disobeyed and left. They got tired of waiting on God for his promises and tried to build their own kingdom in the heavens. Basically they were saying, “forget God, let’s make our own name great!”. They thought their unity would bring about God’s will better than He could but all their unity did was divide them. God saw them making a mess of things by doing it themselves, so split them up. It was for their own good.
When I was going into college I thought I really wanted to major in English. I loved reading and writing. Being a B average student who could barely manage a C in math & science courses, but always seemed to get A’s in English courses, the path I should take in my collegiate studies should have been so obvious. I let others convince me that I should pursue Physical Education instead. As I struggled to pass the exercise science classes required in my major and yet easily rose to the top of my English classes, it finally occurred to me that maybe I was on the wrong path. By the time I pursued switching majors, I would have had to add an entire year onto my college career. I was already feeling burnt out by school, so I decided against it.
For a long time I wondered if I had really messed things up. By the time I graduated in 2005, I didn’t even want to be a teacher anymore. Things in the public education system were already looking grim…but don’t get me started on that subject! So, what was I supposed to do with my life?
God is Faithful to His Promises, Even When We Mess Up!
While Nimrod and company thought making a name for themselves was the way into heaven, God had different plans. He came to Abram, another descendant of Noah (hundreds of years after the flood), and made him a huge promise–to make Abram’s name great, to be the father of faith and man of many descendants who would also be great. He would be blessed by God, for from Abram Jesus the Christ descended. Wow! That’s huge! So, it seemed, all Abram had to do was bring his wife, Sarai, to the land God showed him. It seemed simple but it wasn’t.
Sure, Abram and Sarai had to travel a great distance but they also had to exercise extreme faith. Where would descendants come from with a barren wife? Why would God miraculously give them a son only to ask Abram, now called Abraham, to kill him? Oh, and by the way, all these events happened over the course of 100 years (13 chapters of the book of Genesis).
As long as one has faith like Abraham, then God’s perfect plan will transpire.
The thing is, it is through Abraham that God made His own name great. He showed that, as long as one has faith like Abraham, then God’s perfect plan will transpire. Abraham made plenty of mistakes. He took things into his own hands time and time again. I don’t think he did this because he didn’t believe God wouldn’t follow through on His plan, though. I believe Abraham made all the choices he made in order to help God’s plan along when he got restless from waiting on God to fulfill it. So, when he told the Pharaoh of Egypt that Sarai was his sister in order to protect his life, I believe it was so that he could continue on pursuing God’s calling for his life. Likewise, when he followed Sarai’s suggestion to father a child through the servant, Hagar, again, it was because he thought this was how God’s plan would come about.
The cool thing about Abraham’s mistakes is that God always put him back on the right path. Please note, Abraham and Sarai faced many consequences for their mistakes but God redeemed them and allowed them to return to Him and His will for their lives.
When Abraham stopped trying to manipulate events to please God, God came through and showed Abraham that he is a faithful God.
Looking back on my own life, I see that girl with low self-worth and weak faith who wasn’t brave enough to follow her dream of becoming a writer and, instead of kicking myself, I see God’s greatness. Fast forward 13 years later, I’m not a Physical Education teacher. I coordinate communications for a great non-profit that helps people out of poverty and gives them Hope for the future. As part of my job, I write stories about the successes of this great work. I see how God redeemed my choices to try it my own way and put me right where I need to be. It didn’t happen all at once but one event led to another which led me one step closer than I was.
There are so many things, other than my career, in which I see how God led me right where I needed to be. If I took a step in the wrong direction, God knew about it and put things into place so that eventually I would begin walking in the right direction. When I am not confident of my right next step, it is when I wait on God to show me that things turn out the best in my life.
What Do I Do While I’m Waiting for God’s Plan for My Life?
Currently, my husband and I are in that place of waiting on God to see where He wants to lead us next. We have a lot of life decisions to make about careers, family, etc. I find myself getting frustrated with God while we seek answers to these questions and He can seem so silent…or vague about the answer.
Be faithful to honor Him in the small things every day…
I have to remind myself that God is not a magic eight ball. Sometimes the best way to follow Him is to simply be faithful to honor Him in the small things every day. Well, actually my husband is usually the one to remind me of this. It takes a community centered around Christ to help us be obedient in our faithfulness. Where Nimrod and his crew were centered around the selfish goal of having a great name, it was Abraham who focused on a God whose name was already great. Abraham didn’t always know how God’s plan was going to work out but he was faithful to follow it through daily.
All we can do while we are waiting for God’s guidance is be faithful today for what we need to do today. His Son, who solidified God’s great name by His gift of salvation, says as much,
“Do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” -Matthew 6
God uses our everyday faithfulness in the small things to lead us to the big things in His perfect time. That story is told time and time again in His Word and I’ve seen it time and time again in my own life.
Is the power of positive thinking enough to overcome circumstances? This is a question I’ve been pondering over the past several months as I drive around Orlando, Florida. The reason I’ve been pondering this question so deeply is that I keep seeing this bumper sticker–if you live in Orlando, you’ve likely seen it too–
“If anything can go well, it will”
My initial thought to this was out of sadness for those who don’t know Jesus and have only this shallow phrase to live by. But then I started seeing cars with both this bumper sticker and those of the local Christian radio station. This blew me away–is Christianity so shallow these days that people who claim to follow Jesus, also need such statements to keep them going?
Gene’s Law
The premise of Gene’s Law is based off of Murphy’s Law–
“If anything can go wrong it will go wrong”
So basically, one could argue that the power of positive thinking is better than the power of negative thinking. I’m not going to argue that neither positive nor negative thinking have their place. I definitely believe that the more we train our minds to think in the positive rather than the negative the better off we are. However, there is simply no validity to either of these “laws” whatsoever. They are simply shallow lines of thought.
I use the word “shallow” to describe these statements not to be demeaning to the person who thought them up but because they lack a solid foundation. The man who created the bumper stickers happened upon a series of positive circumstances in his life and I think it’s great that he lives in gratitude for his fortune. I do not believe these circumstances were simply a result of Gene’s positive thinking, however. Gene cannot be God, nor can anyone else who just believes enough that if anything can go well, it will. This completely contradicts God’s Law…and our freedom from it!
God’s Law
God created us with free will which, from the very beginning, humanity has abused. Enter sin. The love relationship within which God created us was broken when sin entered the world. Where once man* had a perfect and unconditional relationship with God, we are now disconnected from Him. God knew that, given free will, we could not resist sin, so he had a plan. He gave us a set of rules–a law –to live by. When we failed, as He knew we would, He would give humanity a second chance…and a third chance, and a fourth chance (as can be seen throughout the Old Testament)…but man could do nothing to completely please God. God knew that we could never live up to the perfect standard we needed to that we might return to a right relationship with Him. He told His people over and over that soon He would send His son to return us to His unconditional love…and He did.
The Gospels of the New Testament details how Jesus came into the world, showed us what it means to have a relationship with his Father, and then payed for our sins by overcoming death on the cross. We do not deserve it, we are sinners, but it is by grace we are saved from our own destruction.
Does this mean that all Christians are perfect? No, it simply means that one who follows Christ surrenders to the fact that nobody’s perfect.
So, what does this have to do with Gene’s Law?
First of all, we are not God, cannot be God, and will never be God. Man has proven that over and over again. We may have free will but we do not have divine power of any kind. Therefor, if we try to have control over our own destiny, we are bound to fail. Simply thinking to oneself, “But if anything can go well, it will,” cannot change that.
When tragedy strikes, is that line of thought going to give you any comfort? I say “when” because everyone at some point in their life will experience some sort of tragedy. People get sick, they die and it’s not easy for those who remain. As I’ve already said, people are sinners who do evil things, even if unawarely so. We do not have control over those circumstances. We do not have control over a hurricane hitting Florida or an Earthquake in California. We do not have control over our father’s alcoholism or our wife’s depression.
We are not God, therefore we do not have control over every aspect of our lives.
But what about free will? This is an extremely huge topic which I will not completely cover, as no one really can in brevity. What I will say is that while we have the choice day to day to do what is good and honoring to God, ultimately He’s in charge. We can only have control over our own choices…and even then, sometimes we fail at what we aimed to do. God gave us free will to allow us to choose whether we want to follow Him on a day to day basis, or follow our own path.
Following God is often the harder choice and may not seem to work out so well at times. Bad things will happen and God allows them to happen so as to remind us to lean into His great love and might. So, just because it can go well, it may not. This may seem like bad news from an insensitive God, however, having challenges in our lifetime is completely worth the opportunity to point others to Christ throughout our mortal lives, not to mention the eternal bliss we will experience with God in heaven someday.
An example of this is marriage. God created marriage to be good, in fact he parallels His relationship to all believers with marriage. He gave us the choice of whom we marry but He also gave us guidance in the Bible on how to navigate that relationship. God created marriage to go well for both the husband and the wife…and it can go well. However, since all people are sinners, part of marriage is learning how to deal with conflicts caused by sin. This is really hard work! A married couple must be actively engaged in both that which goes well in his/her spouse’s side of the relationship and that which goes wrong. No matter what race, culture, or religion, it is a well known fact in this country that there is a 50/50 chance a marriage will end in divorce. So while marriage is created to be good and to “go well” sometimes it just doesn’t and one spouse only has control over one person–50%–in that relationship.
When Life Gives You Lemons
As I mentioned, sometimes God allows for bad things to happen as a way to remind us to seek Him with our whole hearts. If every time something bad happened to me I just thought, “well, I guess it just wasn’t meant to go well,” I would not be sustained. I’ve experienced too many challenges in my lifetime which could have gone well and just didn’t even though I did everything right. This is especially true when it is an extremely devastating circumstance or a series of bad things in a short period of time–things completely out of my control. To just wait for something to go well would just drive me into depression.
Like a marriage is an active relationship of hard work, of give and take, of extending grace upon grace, so are most things in life. If I were to just sit around and wait for the perfect job or the perfect spouse or the perfect child, nothing would happen. Am I supposed to think that it just wasn’t meant to go well? And then, let’s think about eternity. What happens after I die? Am I supposed to just sit around to wait and see how it turns out? No! I ask questions, seek answers, then act upon those truths to lay a foundation for my life.
As I’ve expressed, my foundation is in the saving grace of Jesus Christ, which is based on truth proven time and again for millenniums. The power of positive thinking can keep us going on a daily basis but nothing can take the place of the power of the Cross of Christ and his resurrection.
So, when something in your life could have gone well but doesn’t, what is keeping you standing?
*By “man” I mean all of humanity, both male and female.
We give 10% to the church but is that what it’s really all about? (photo inside a cathedral in Kosice, Slovakia)
Many Christians believe that being a good steward is only being wise in one’s finances and giving a tithe of 10% of their income to the church. I’ve come to understand stewardship to be so much more in the way God has been working in my life recently.
What is Biblical Stewardship?
Biblical stewardship is believing that all things belong to God and therefore we should treat them as such. This is very easily understood in terms of money–it is through God’s provision that we can have good jobs (or any other source of financial blessing)–and the means by which we provide for ourselves and our family. It is clear in the Bible that we should give the first-fruits of our income back to God through what is commonly called a tithe. In fact, it is well known that God tells us more about how we should handle our finances than any other topic in the Bible. There are a great number of resources available to Christians on how to be Biblically financially responsible. I would argue that many Christians get so hung up on their own financial situation that they forget about other areas of God’s provision.
Being a Good Steward of Services
Just like God asks us to show our gratitude for his financial provision for us, we need to be aware of how He provides for others. For many people, we are God’s provision.
Think about all the people who serve you throughout the week as they work hard to make a living–restaurant servers, auto mechanics, cashiers, customer service reps, etc… It really frustrates me when I hear of Christians who leave poor tips at restaurants or go to the ends of the earth to get a steep discount or free items or services. In my understanding of the Bible, this is just as bad as being irresponsible with our own finances because it means someone is working hard for their income and not being fairly compensated. We need to be just as grateful for the service we pay others to provide for us as God’s provision for our own finances.
That said, leave a fair tip for your restaurant server. If you can’t afford to tip at least 15% of your bill, find a creative alternative such as making a fun meal together.
Be patient with your auto-mechanic (please! I’m married to one and find it so sad how terribly they get treated by their boss AND the customer).
Be educated about airline travel–your flight attendant is not just there to serve you drinks (that one is for my siblings in the airline industry).
These are just a few examples. There are so many others who serve you daily!
Being a Good Steward of God’s Creation
Being “green” is the hype in the United States of America but it’s not just for outdoor enthusiasts and tree huggers. Genesis clearly shares how God created the heavens, the earth, and everything in it. Then, God created man and gave us dominion over it. That is, we are to take care of it. It doesn’t mean we have to be outdoor enthusiasts who spend exorbitant amounts of time exploring the seas and forests but it does mean that we should be kind to His creation. This means being aware of the trash and pollution we produce and taking steps to minimize the things we do which are destructive to the environment. This also means that we should know where our food comes from. The leading cause of pollution in this country is factory farming–the source of nearly all our meat! This is a huge topic which I’m very passionate about and hope to share more about it on this blog in the future.
Being a Good Steward of our Own Health
I’ve always been into health, nutrition and exercise. This was a lot easier to maintain when I was an avid runner and studying Physical Education in college. Now I work a desk job and am busy caring for a house, being a supportive wife and volunteering at church, so exercise is something that gets pushed aside. Regardless, I’ve always had a handful of health issues no matter how conscious I’ve been about my health. God created us and formed us in a way specifically to carry out the tasks God has called us to do to build His kingdom. Doesn’t the fact that God formed us in His image make it very obvious that we should honor our bodies as a great treasure?
Unfortunately, because of sin, our bodies are subject to breaking, to sickness, and disease. Thankfully, our relationship is restored with God through Jesus Christ’s death and resurrection! When we come into a right relationship with Him, our bodies are filled with His Holy Spirit. While we have to wait for heaven for our physical bodies to be fully restored, I believe we should do all we can to care for ourselves until that time.
In the past few years I have started straying from the American health system and started figuring out how to care for my health naturally. It’s amazing how God has provided us with so many the things necessary for a full healthy life without all the drugs and procedures modern day medicine offers!* A few months ago, I decided to figure out if I could alter my diet to help manage some of my health issues. Through an elimination diet I found that my body simply cannot tolerate dairy. By eliminating milk, cheese, yogurt, etc…I feel so much better! My digestion, menstrual cycle, hair and skin are all healthier than ever in my 30 years of life. I also found some other foods that I should reduce in my diet for the sake of the extra health boost.
*Please note, I do believe that God has also provided medical doctors with the ability to care for us in great ways, so I am in no way advocating not having a primary care physician or seeking medical help when necessary. You should always consult a doctor before trying any sort of special diet or natural health remedies.
Being a Good Steward of One Another
God created us for community. He gave Adam a partner because He knew it was not good for Adam to be alone. He gave us fellowship within the body of Christ because together we are better. So many divisions have happened within the Church because Christians have lost sight of this.
Several years ago I was in training for evangelical ministry with a wonderful para-church organization that really exemplified this picture–a large organization, one body, many valuable parts. One thing I learned that has stuck with me all these years is how to determine whether an issue is worth dividing over and when it’s better to just let it go and continue living your own God-given convictions. The deciding factor is whether two parties (individuals or groups of people) agree on salvation. Does the issue affect whether or not a person is saved? You may have different opinions or convictions about certain aspects of Christianity. In those cases it is best to just agree to disagree and figure out how you can bring it back to the Gospel and continue to glorify God. If the issue is of a matter of salvation, then there is no room for flexibility and you should lovingly go your separate ways. This standard has been valuable in my relationships with other believers and in how I share my belief with non-believers.
There are so many cases where the church has been divided over opinions or convictions that have clouded over the Truth of the Gospel. So many brotherly and sisterly bonds have been broken over small matters. So many people who do not know Jesus personally have been alienated from the Truth because of these divisions–because of how terribly Christians treat one another!–that it breaks my heart.
I’m not saying I’m perfect in this. What I am saying is that we need to be unified as the body of Christ for the edification of one another, the glory of God, and our witness of the gospel. It it being a good steward of our brothers and sisters in Christ for the sake of the Gospel.
Where to Begin
Being a good steward is a huge topic, as you can see. My goal has been to simply open it up as a bigger idea than how stewardship is usually discussed. By no means do I consider all these things each and every day. Writing about it has been part of my process as I grow as a Christian in this area. It is not a black and white issue but something to continually ask the Lord about over time.
I suggest thinking about one of these areas where you tend to overlook as being a good steward and ask God if there is one way in which you can improve in that area. Continue praying about it, seeking God’s Word for times when He addresses it and ask His Holy Spirit to guide you daily.
Is it ok for a Christian to sit in a spiritual desert? That time in a believer’s life when one feels distant from God no matter how hard he seeks him, the spiritual desert, is a term that’s often thrown around but not often addressed. It doesn’t feel good to be there but is it really a bad place to be?
Discovery Channel’s Man, Woman, Wild
I recently have been captivated by reality shows where average people have to figure out how to survive in the wilderness and make it back to civilization. One show which was particularly interesting was Discovery Channel’s Man, Woman, Wild. The main premise is the survival expert husband is teaching his wife how to survive by purposefully getting stuck in the wilderness together. Not only was it interesting to see the different tactics they used but also how they leaned on each other in the process.
Lovingly calling each other “Captain Husband” and “Sergeant Major Wife,” they navigate through the situation in logical steps. They followed a widely used survival acronym, S.T.O.P.:
Stop and Sit to collect your thoughts
Think about your options
Observe what you have with you and what you need to get back home
Plan your actions and begin the process step by step
As I watched the show, feeling like I was in my own wilderness spiritually, I realized I should ask myself some of these same questions.
Stop and Sit
How did I get here? What dampened my passion for the Lord? At what point did I stray from the beaten path?
When I did this, it became fairly obvious. For one thing, I’ve been working really hard for the Lord and I’m tired! Looking back at all I’ve done to serve God by giving of myself to others in the past year, I’m exhausted. Additionally, I’ve been in a huge period of transition with my job, my husband’s job, and other big life decisions which really take a lot out of a person. Finally, my church has faced major tragedy, causing a wave of emotional tumult and spurring a lot of change there. My spiritual food has taken more work to obtain and I’m feeling rather worn out.
Think
What are my options for getting out of here?
I’ve been a Christian for almost 16 years and I’ve invested myself in ministry of some form or another for the past 11 years, so it seems I should know what my options are. The thing is, the traditional Sunday school answers just don’t work sometimes…
Read my Bible, check…
Write in my journal, check…
Pray, go to church, engage in fellowship with other believers…check, check, check…
…and it just becomes like a habit which means nothing. It was this point of getting stuck in a habit when I became lost. Having exhausted all other options, I needed to lean into a believer who could help carry me. In my case, my husband had my back. Other times in my life it’s been a good friend or a spiritual mentor.
Observe
In the wilderness shows, they always ask themselves, “Am I safe?,” “How likely will I be found here by a boat, plane, person?”, and “Do I have the means to get food, water, and shelter here?” If the answer was “no” to any of those questions, then they usually decided to move their bodies to a place where the answer was more likely to be “yes.”
This is when I asked myself, “Is it safe for me to be in this wilderness?” If I were questioning the existence of God or my salvation or falling into temptation because of my surroundings, then I would definitely say, “No, I’m not safe here.” However, I know God is with me, I have salvation through Christ, and I’m not living in blatant sin. So, I really think my wilderness is an ok place for me right now.
This doesn’t mean I can stay here. Just because I’m not in immediate danger and have access to food, water, and shelter–spiritually speaking–doesn’t mean I should just sit here and wait for a ravenous lion to take me as prey. I still have to find a way out but, realizing that for the moment, I’m ok and I can take my time to work out a different plan.
Talking to my husband helped me toward this realization. I was raised by spiritual leaders to believe that reading my Bible and journaling every day is so vital to my growth. However, sometimes we need to mix it up a bit. My husband agreed and suggested, by putting that expectation on myself, I’m just going to be disappointed when I miss a day or don’t feel inspired by it that day. However, if I set a goal, like reading one book over an undetermined time, I might be more encouraged. Or, taking some time to read a book written by a Christian addressing the issues I’m most struggling with to get a fresh perspective.
Plan
Settling into the desert is dangerous whereas being ok with learning what God is teaching you in the desert is life giving. In the aforementioned conversation, my husband suggested I start reading the Psalms.
Of course! Isn’t that what I would tell people who were in my situation? In the midst of being overwhelmed by the bareness of the land around me, I missed that most obvious opportunity. David was so articulate about his desert experiences with God and his journey past them, so what a great way to be encouraged.
Finally, I asked my husband if we could start praying together again. In all the scheduling changes, it’s something we’d gotten away from and returning to it was so refreshing.
One Foot in Front of the Other
As soon as I began implementing this plan, I started feeling more encouraged. I still feel like I’m in the desert but my feelings aren’t what matter. I can think that my husband is angry with me but if I still feel the shame of his anger after he assures me that he’s not angry, then I’m a fool. Similarly, I can feel distant from God but that doesn’t mean that God is actually any further from me than the height of my intimacy with Him.
If you feel like you are walking through a Spiritual desert, here are a few words of encouragement:
STOP. Ask yourself the questions above.
Lean. Find a fellow believer that you can lean on for encouragement and accountability in your plan. Pray with that person. (If you don’t know who to turn to, reach out to a church community or contact me and I will help you find someone.
Trust. Have faith that God is with you even if your feelings lead you to believe otherwise. Know that God’s truth is unfailing and trumps all feelings.
Confession. I have intimately conversed with suicidal thoughts on multiple occasions.
If you have read my previous posts discussing my struggle with depression or had any kind of deep conversation with me, this may not come as a shock to you. I tell you in light of Isaac Hunter’s death to explain that it is realistically possible to have salvation through Jesus Christ and yet consider suicide as an escape from seemingly hopeless despair. This is not to say that I know whether or not anyone is truly saved but to say that it’s not impossible to take such a desperate act as a believer in Christ.
Does this mean that God considers suicide an option? No! Suicide is an untrusting act of selfishness. It is like saying to God, “Your plan to get me out of this dark time in my life is not working for me, so I’m going to take control.”
So, why would someone who has been given freedom through Christ’s salvation even consider suicide as an option? Let me tell you why I’ve considered it in the past.Continue reading “Confession”
In the past year we’ve been through a lot. We’ve watched our lead pastor, Isaac Hunter, leave the church after committing adultery. We’ve cried out in horror when the media had a hay-day with his sin, putting not only him but also his wife, children, parents, and us in a distorted light. We’ve picked up the pieces, did our best to move forward into the “new normal” of our church. Then he took his own life.
Let me tell you how angry I am with Isaac Hunter right now.
Let me tell you how much I want to see him walking through the lobby of Summit Church
Let me tell you how disgusted I am at his sin.
Let me tell you how many times he said just the thing I needed to hear to see God.
Let me tell you how many sleepless nights I have had over his poor choices.
Let me tell you how much I learned from his wisdom.
Let me tell you how hard it has been to go to church over the past year.
Let me tell you how I was drawn from the darkest time in my life through his words of wisdom.
The list goes on…
Is it ok to have such conflicting emotions toward one person? I think it is, so if you are having some of the same thoughts, please know that you are not alone.
What else are you thinking about? What are you trying to work through in your mind and heart?
If you are not from Summit or Northland, what words of encouragement do you have for our community?
I’ve recently faced a disappointment which led to what seems to be a dead-end that presents itself as another disappointment. The obvious question running through my mind is “now what?” Without really directing it to God, He responds, “wait.” So, here’s how the conversation goes:
Me: Now what?
God: Wait.
Me: I wasn’t talking to you.
God: Just wait.
Me: Well, then what?
God: Wait.
Me: Ok, I get it. But what do I do while I wait?
God: Just wait.
Can you see how this would be frustrating? If you pray regularly, it’s likely you’ve had a similar conversation with God. It’s kind of like we’re sitting down to coffee and God is just sitting there smiling at me saying, “I know something you don’t know” with His eyes. Your eyes say back to Him, “Come on. Really?”
So, there are two questions that arise with these circumstances–”How do I deal with disappointment?” and, “What do I do while I’m waiting for the answer?”
It’s All Loss
Whether the disappointment is loss of a relationship, loss of a loved one, loss of a great job opportunity, loss of the chance to have a child, loss of the opportunity to get into the school or program of your dreams, or whatever; it’s all a loss. With loss comes grieving. Yes, while grieving is often associated with death, I think that we also grieve over other losses. It’s all the same process. Shock, denial, anger, sorrow, and acceptance are part of the process for anything from a break-up to getting laid off. So, what’s the best way to work through that process?
First, we realize that there’s a time and place for all those things. It’s not a sin to be angry. God was angry a lot. This you know if you ever read any of the Old Testament. It’s what you do with that anger that is important. Do you lash out at others or do you take those raw, unedited emotions to God and hash it out with Him?
Sometimes we are afraid to go to God with anything but praise, “Oh you wonderful, mighty God, thank you for your grace and everlasting presence.” God sees right through it. I think the best way to connect to God through those times when you are angry about your circumstances is to be honest with Him. He knows you are angry and He doesn’t need you to tell Him so. However, by going through the process of confessing how you are really feeling to the all-knowing, all-powerful, ever-present Creator, one experiences a great cleansing.
Taking the Ugly to God
When I really have a matter to take up with God, I write out what I have to say to him in letter form, by my own hand (the old fashioned pen and paper way). By doing this, I am truly owning what’s going on inside my mind and heart. I usually then end up also receiving God’s grace as I write.
The beginning of my letter is ugly and full of things that are awkward and uncomfortable. They are full of raw emotion, and seemingly unspiritual. However, by getting out the ugly, I can make room for the beauty of God’s redemption in my brokenness and, therefore, to receive God’s grace and mercy. I end up ending my letter with acknowledging that God is all-knowing and purposeful in what He allows His children to endure for the sake of a higher purpose.
Some passages that really help me during these times are:
Another great thing about regularly writing these prayers down is that I can go back and look at them. I usually find myself saying, “If only I knew then, what I knew now,” because as we strive for obedience in Christ through the Holy Spirit, we are refined and find that if we always got what we wanted in the moment, we’d miss out on the greater things God has for us in the future.
I can’t tell you how many people I know who desire to have a baby but have a hard time conceiving. Then, once they finally get pregnant, or make that decision to adopt, God blesses them with not just one child, but a second child conceived naturally, without drugs or fertility treatments. I can’ tell you how many times I’ve looked back on my life and thought to myself, “If God had given me that little thing I wanted back then, I wouldn’t have this huge blessing I have before me now.”
Accept, Wait, and Receive
Accepting the circumstances of a disappointment doesn’t mean that we’re ok with it. Accepting a disappointment just means that we’re acknowledging that I am a small little speck compared to God’s greatness and, as His child, I know that His plan is bigger than my plan. That ever popular proverb always comes to me–”Trust not in my own understanding, but acknowledge God and He will direct my path.”
I am one of the least patient people I know. This impatience comes from a lack of trust in God and His plan for me. However, the more I’ve asked God to give me the strength to endure the long-suffering of patience, the more I’ve been blessed because of it and the more trusting I’ve become of God. My husband teases me all the time that I want “everything right now,” and how unrealistic that is. Let’s be honest, waiting for “God’s timing” isn’t fun; nor is it supposed to be.
So, what does one do while waiting for the uncertainty of God’s timing? The most important thing I’ve learned about being patient is that it doesn’t come by just sitting around and waiting. It comes by trusting that God is in control and knows best, so in the meantime I can be productive by continuing to seek Him daily. I can have a hard time stepping back from all of my long-range goals and plans to see the day-to-day obedience which is so important in patience.
If I sit and watch out the window for a good friend to arrive for coffee, I will get frustrated with not seeing her walk up the path. However, if I’m busy around the house preparing for her arrival, she’ll come sooner than I anticipated. So, while we can miss Jesus, like Martha did as she busied herself in the kitchen after his arrival, it’s also important to take Martha’s lead in preparing for his arrival while we are waiting. That just means being faithful, doing what is right in the day-to-day, so that when God does show up and bless us with something we desire, we are ready to receive Him.
Some of my middle school girls at my back to school sleep-over (yes, they are stair sledding!)
The Reward of Faithfulness
I was recently at a weekend camp with the middle school students from my church. On Saturday afternoon, the kids had free-time to enjoy the many activities of the camp. There were two activities that were especially popular, so the lines were very long and the students had to wait up to an hour to enjoy the activity. One of the girls in my group was so excited that she kept hopping from line to line out of impatience.
After about an hour of this, she complained that she just wasted all this time and hadn’t been able to do either activity, plus she also wanted time to go swimming. I encouraged her to get in line for the activity that she wanted to do most and be patient while she waited in the line. We talked, made jokes, and cheered on the other kids as they faced the challenges of the activities. Eventually she made it through the line and afterwards said, “That was really worth the wait!”
By the time she got done with the first activity, the line had died down in the second activity and she was able to join right in. She still had time to spare to enjoy swimming with her friends. I pointed out to her that because she was patient and waited for one good thing, she was able to enjoy all the good things laid out before her.
While this is a simple story of a child’s impatience, I think this applies to most of life. If we jump around trying to get all of our desires met, we are often disappointed. But if we are faithful to what matters most, we are often blessed beyond measure.
Oh, and that big disappointment I so wrestled with? A few months have gone by and what I was expecting as a really big life change that would alter the course of my life became a small adjustment that allowed me to remain just where I was…only happier.
My husband slaving away as he fixes his car in the Florida heat.
Change has become the new normal for my life. I always thought that I was pretty good at change but that was when my life had a fluid consistency, like the comfort of a classic black and white feel good movie, so adding a little splash of color and adventure now and again was welcomed. For some time now I’ve thought that going back to a little consistency would be nice. The colors flashing speedily before my eyes get a little overwhelming. I’ve been waiting for the comfort of some good old classic black and white…and I’m still waiting.
Last weekend, I was reminded of something so simple and yet so vital to living the spirit-filled Christian life. I was reminded that, like the Rich Young Ruler, I too must be willing to live fully abandoned to God. It occurred to me that all the changes and all the dissatisfaction I was facing were a result of my having this perfect image of what my life should look like; what I want to do everyday, what I want my house to look like, how I want my relationships to be, etc. I’ve been focusing so much on “I” and “me” that I was missing out on what plans God may have for me. If I’m not willing to give up that which I think will make me happy, there will be no room for what God knows will give me eternal fulfillment. Who knows, maybe God and I have some of the same plans but I can’t know that if I’m not willing to be ok with losing everything in order to make room for the abundance of Christ’s blessings. I believe that God gave me a simple object lesson to reinforce this truth over this past week.
Transportation is one of those rich blessings that is often taken for granted until it’s taken away from us. My husband, being a mechanic, was doing some much needed work on his car last weekend. He got done as much as he could but not enough to make the car drivable for the week. He told me that he would have to finish the following weekend when he had more time but this meant sharing my car throughout the week. Because Andrew works nights, from 2pm-4am I would be without a car. This wasn’t a huge inconvenience because I didn’t have any major plans that I couldn’t work around, however I really dislike being home alone; especially at night. It is being home alone at night when I’m apt to sink into my depression.
The one thing I really didn’t want to miss is volunteering at the church on Tuesday night with the middle school kids. I remembered one of the volunteers lived close by, so I had a ride and something to do during one of the four nights without a car. Even so, I dreaded going into the week knowing that Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday, I’d be home alone. Then, things started falling into place. Each day I had a conversation with someone that said, “I’ll come pick you up to do_________.” By the time Thursday night rolled around, I had been able to get out of the house three out of my four nights alone without a car!
I could have been really resentful and complaining about having this freedom taken from me. Yes, initially I felt a little trapped and anxious about not having the control to go wherever and do whatever I wanted, when I wanted it. However, I trust my husband with the mechanics of our vehicles, I trust his hard work, and I had to choose to trust God that I would be ok for one week without transportation.
At the end of the week, I had gotten out so much that I actually began to think, “wow, it would be really nice to have a peaceful night at home!” I felt very alive, fulfilled by God’s mercy, and blessed to have a community around me that cares for me.
Trusting God with this one small thing helped me to remember that if I trust Him with everything else, my life will be so much more fulfilling. My ongoing worries had been about how I’d keep my house clean and healthy food on the table once I started my second job, when Andrew and I would be able to start planning a family and, when we did bring our first child home, how I’d be able to take care of that child and still have enough income…and on and on my worries weighed me down like treasures of which I was unwilling to live without.
It occurred to me, that unlike the rich young ruler who, “Disheartened…went away sorrowful,” that if I were to leave behind these momentary worries and followed Christ with full abandon, that God’s plan for our needs, house, and family would fall into place.
This world is so entranced by technology, cell phones, nice cars, the Jones’ way of living and whatever that looks like for you. Many of these things have their place and benefits. However, if the question is between living my life based on my plans and possessions and basing my life following God’s plan, I’m going to choose God’s plan. I’m going to go back to the basic black and white movie with the slow dialogue and simple lifestyle over the fast paced High Definition color with surround sound any day.
Slovak teenagers sitting under a tree hearing the gospel from my 2011 mission to Slovakia
Lately my mind has been filled with dreams; longings for the future. I’ve been gazing down a winding path of uncertain hopefulness of things that could be. As I mentioned in my last post, I’ve been considering what I’ve accomplished over the past thirty years and where I’d like to be.
There is a song by a popular Christian group, Sidewalk Prophets, which keeps catching my attention called, Help Me Find It. The chorus goes,
“If there’s a road I should walk
Help me find it
If I need to be still
Give me peace for the moment
Whatever Your will,
Whatever Your will”
Every time I hear this song, every verse resonates in my soul and I have to stop and pray to words to God as I listen.
Last night my longings manifested themselves in a dream while I slept. It was late evening and I was supposed to be meeting my husband to do an errand together when this kitten came up to me, put his front paws on my leg, then swung his body around to the other direction, looking back at me like, “come on, I have to show you something!” I was conflicted as I really needed to go meet my husband but my heart goes out to any animal, so I followed him. Under a tree were about six other kittens and a mama cat, obviously homeless. They were surrounded by four older children, also casually sitting under the tree. There was a building to the left, more of a shack, with outside lights shining on the two families.
I asked the children what they were doing there. Between the ages of around 8 and 14, the oldest one, a girl, told me, “We have no family and nowhere to go.” I didn’t know what to do. I thought, “At least I can get them a blanket while I figure it out,” but that didn’t seem the answer.
It was as though Jesus were standing beside me saying, “Tell them about me. What they really need is me.” In fact, I realized there was a young man standing beside me with a stubbly beard and unkempt sun-stroked hair, he was dressed in every day jeans and light jacket. It was as though he had been with me all along. It must have been Jesus.
The children hung on my every word, and as they did so, more children began to gather around them. Some came and sat closer to me in eagerness, others stood behind the tree, a little more shyly but all leaning in to the Truth of God’s gift of salvation. I finished with an invitation to them all to receive this truth into their hearts and lives. I knew that my words were not my own, but given to me by the spirit of God. I alone am not capable of such eloquence.
As I concluded, I told the kids, mostly young teenagers, to tell someone if they had prayed that prayer, so that they could begin to learn what it meant to let their decision to follow Jesus grow and become a part of their everyday life. I told them to go and tell others the same truth. My outward thought was, “Oh wow, now I need to stay here in case they need to tell me of their decision, so that I can answer their questions and guide them,” but my inner self said, “No, you’ve made a commitment to your husband to meet him.” It was as if the man beside me, Jesus, was saying, “No, it’s not your responsibility. Leave them to me. I will take care of them.”
As I left several of the kids came up to me to say, “I did it! I prayed to have Jesus in my heart and life!” I rejoiced with them but said,”I’m sorry but I have to go now,” to which they seemed sad, but ok, and so I left. I met up with my husband, apologized for being late, and told him the amazing thing that had just happened.
As I awoke this morning, it occurred to me that my dream was a direct realization of my life’s dream. Some time ago, I wrote out this vision for my life:
“My vision is to be a light of the Gospel of Christ in the lives of teenagers, their parents, and other student ministry leaders, that they may know and receive His love in the every day realities of their lives and to shepherd them as hands in the harvest.”
The passage from the Bible which had led me to this vision was from Matthew 9,
35 And Jesus went throughout all the cities and villages, teaching in their synagogues and proclaiming the gospel of the kingdom and healing every disease and every affliction. 36 When he saw the crowds, he had compassion for them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. 37 Then he said to his disciples, “The harvest is plentiful, but the laborers are few; 38 therefore pray earnestly to the Lord of the harvest to send out laborers into his harvest.”
I think the four siblings sitting under the tree were the “sheep without a shepherd.” The rest of the kids that came as I shared the gospel message were the harvest that needed tending. I am convinced that my dream last night was a visual image of my dreams for the future; a prayer I’ve been praying more and more.
This dream was my peace, God asking me to be still, while I wait for Him to show me the road He needs me to walk. This dream was a message from God saying, “It’s ok that you don’t have all the answers, all the directions for the journey you are on. Trust me while I put into place all the necessary things for your vision to come to full manifestation.”
If you listen to the rest of the Sidewalk Prophets song, you will here them tell you that all the answers aren’t going to be there, and that’s ok. They encourage us to trust God, have faith, and say no to fear.
Sometimes what seems like an unanswered prayer is really just God saying, “wait.” His answer is the peace in the waiting. I certainly don’t have all the answers and I’m learning to be ok with that because I never will.
Some of my awesome community at my birthday party last night.
Today I turn thirty years old. About a month ago, when it dawned on me that I was really going to be 3-0 years, I started to freak out. I was both excited and afraid. I began asking myself what I’d done with my life, reflecting on my current reality compared to my plans and past assumptions about what I thought my life would look like at this age.
I enjoy celebrating special occasions. I figure being thirty is a pretty big accomplishment, so I want to celebrate! I actually feel like an adult…most of the time. I have a sense of responsibility that I never had before. My faith in God seems firm and steady, ever challenged and ever growing. I have a wonderful God-fearing husband, a sound community of people around me, and a comfortable home to care for. However, I look at how I spend my time (as I have over the past three years), and wonder,
“What am I doing with my life?”
There are so many things I want to do. While I’m super grateful that I still have a lot of life left ahead of me, God willing, I question if I shouldn’t be further along in my accomplishments; more established in my day-to-day life. Ten years ago I thought that at thirty I’d be married with a family, own a nice home, and a steady career. I have the husband, and by God’s abundant provision, I live in a great home; but where’s the family and the steady career? I hardly think two cats count as a “family” and jumping from part-time job to part-time job count as a steady career.
This is where I began to panic a little. I started thinking about whether I’m using the time God has given me to the full. Am I wasting my time? Am I missing out on opportunities to serve God, to build His Kingdom, to do something with my life that is bigger than myself? I don’t know. I don’t know the plans the Lord has for me but I’m coming to realize that I just need to continue to trust His plan.
A couple pieces of wisdom come to mind as I meditate on these questions:
My husband and I after my friend played a “create your own card” in Apples to Apples. Andrew had no choice. “Bethany” was the winning card for “Magical.”
My perspective on my life plans has changed a little in the past ten years. I no longer want a full-time career. In my “perfect” world, I want to focus on my family and God. In my “perfect” world, I would have1.5 kids, a dog, two cats and the ability to stay home most of the week to take care of them. I would also be established in a fulfilling ministry to teenagers on a part-time basis. My husband would have a 9-5 job. He would be home in the evenings and we would serve together at our church regularly. This is not reality for me right now.
Having read and meditated on the above scriptures so much over my lifetime, God brought them to mind as I contemplated these things. I remembered that my life is not my own. All I need to do everyday is seek God with my whole heart, stop and listen for His voice in my life, and be obedient to pursue the desires He puts on my heart. Most of all, cling to the faith and trust of an infallible God who has saved me from a life of aimlessly chasing after the wind.
Do you wonder if you are walking in God’s plans for you? Do you think God is silent in your life or wonder how to hear God? Look through my great links page for more resources, leave a comment on this post or contact me. I’d love to begin a discussion!
Who is your God? Mine can be so hard to define sometimes, and yet I live a life that would suggest the answer to be simple. Daily I read the Bible where over and over and over again it says, God is the only God and there should be no other. However, I live in a culture where so many things are deemed “the most important thing”; things other than God. In Biblical terms, these things are called idols.
We make idols out of material things (computer, tablet, or smart phone anyone?), out of money, our jobs, and even people. Lately, I’ve had conversations with so many people about how men can so easily and deceptively become idols in a woman’s life.
The question has been posed to me in different ways but all asking basically the same thing: Have you ever put your husband before God? If so, what do you do about it?
Let me tell you that it’s very likely that I have a choice to make every single day whether God or man (in my case, usually my husband) will be central to my life, love, and happiness for that day. It is probably more likely lately that I’m going to miss a beat and put my husband, Andrew, in that place.
It’s hard enough being married to a mechanic. The long hours, the unpredictability of vehicles, and ridiculous pay system is a challenge in itself. Anyone who is a mechanic, or is married to one, knows what I’m talking about! Andrew and I have been challenged even more over the past several weeks as he’s taken a night shift–fixing cars that will be sold in a used car super-center. He now works 3pm-3am four days each week. I remain on a typical daytime schedule. This means that we can go days without seeing each other or even talking to each other. Even on the weekends, our waking hours only have a small overlap, so the time is precious.
I hate this! Before I was married, I hated living by myself. I always had a roommate if I could help it just for the sake of my sanity. I would keep myself extremely busy in the evenings and on weekends so that I wouldn’t go crazy or become depressed. When I finally got married I took a huge sigh of relief, thinking that I’d never have to worry about being lonely again. Well, I’m back to trying to be busy nights and weekends, with an occasional visit to my husband during his break at work as we try to keep the romance alive in our relationship and even just catch up on day to day conversation.
This situation has really caused me to reevaluate my heart. Am I putting my husband before God? Wherein lies my satisfaction? How do I know?
It may sound morbid, but my litmus test is imagining the worst. I imagine that I get phone call from someone telling me that my husband has died, has become gravely ill or disfigured, or that (oh, God, spare us both!) he’s left me for someone else. I ask myself, “If something were to happen, would I be ok?” That is, what would I have to lean on to get me through such tragedy? If my answer is not, “It would be extremely devastating but I know that God would be there to comfort me through the pain,” then I have a problem.
Even if I think this in the sense that I know that is the right answer but I can’t honestly say it isn’t true for me right now, then I have a problem. I then need to redirect my heart, realize my husband is a broken and imperfect man (Romans 3:10-12), and God is the only source of satisfaction for my life (Romans 5:1-5). I need to get down on my knees and seek God’s face.
I am truly grateful for my husband. He’s a God fearing, honest, dependable, loving man. He points my heart to the Truth of Jesus better than anyone else in my life. God gave me a blessing when He gave me Andrew as my husband. God also gave me a challenge; to daily remember who is responsible for my life. If I don’t seek him with my heart first, it’s impossible for me to love my husband well or even receive Andrew’s love for me. It’s also impossible for us to work through difficult situations together, like the recent scheduling challenges.
Just for good measure, the following is a shout out to my fellow mechanic’s wives who can identify with the occupational challenges of their husbands.
10 Signs that You are Married to a Mechanic:
Your husband comes home from work walking like he just climbed out of a really small box.
You can’t find the dish soap by the kitchen sink and immediately look for it in the shower and find it there.
Your husband never has clean or straight fingernails.
Your husband smells like motor oil even when he’s not just been working on cars.
While driving down the road together, your husband often makes random comments like, “Ooh, that doesn’t sound good. That car <fill in car ailment here>.” Or, another favorite, I worked on one of those this week and I would never want to own one because <insert recounted experience here>
You know what “flat rate” means and really dislike it.
You understand when your husband sometimes comes home at the end of the day in a bad mood because you know that he probably worked several hours that day which he knows he won’t get paid for.
Your husband has extremely strong hands and can open any jar no matter how tight.
When you go out with friends, at some point during the evening someone will start making funny car noises and ask your husband what he thinks is wrong with their car.
The only garage you take your car to for repairs is your own…unless your husband has access to the shop where he works, in which case garage hours are after closing time.
I fell off a dock when I was about 8 or 9. It seemed like it was about ten feet to the water below and I was scared, so I grabbed the edge of the dock and hung on as though my life depended on it. It really wasn’t that far down and I was a good swimmer. Why did I do it?
I had been playing a game with myself, touching each post (or, in nautical terms, “piling”)which held up the dock as I walked along with my family. We were on one of our many family sailing trips and were heading out for dinner. As my family conversed, strolling down the dock, I turned to look at them, keeping the rhythm of my game. But I missed and fell. I clung to the dock screaming, “Help! Help!” My dad reached down and pulled me back up to my feet. I was wearing just shorts and a t-shirt, so I got all scraped up and am scarred to this day.
Later, my Dad said, “Beth, why didn’t you just let yourself fall into the water? You are a good swimmer. You would have gotten wet but that’s better than being all scraped up.”
“I don’t know. I was scared,” was my reply.
I remembered this event recently, after watching The Return of the King, the third of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, directed by Peter Jackson. After a long, grueling journey to destroy a ring whose power brings evil forces upon the fictional land of Middle Earth, Frodo and Sam finally make it to Mount Doom. Within the mount of doom is a firry pit which is the only entity which can destroy the ring.
Frodo and Sam rest for a moment before hiking up into the mountain wherein Sam starts remembering the pleasantries of their home, The Shire, which they’ve been away from for a very long time. Frodo can’t remember the smells, sounds, and tastes which Sam describes so longingly. They decide to continue on in their journey into the heart of the mountain to the Crack of Doom but Frodo is exhausted from the journey and the burden of the ring, so Sam carries him.
Reaching the top, Frodo has one last burst of energy and scrambles toward the destructive body of lava. He holds up the ring, the burden he’s had to bear which has nearly destroyed him countless times in their journey, but he can’t throw it in. It’s power has overtaken Frodo while Sam pleads with him to destroy it. Just then their nemesis, Gollum, who had also been overtaken by the power of the ring many years ago, appears and struggles with Frodo in efforts to take it back. Gollum is so desperate to get the ring he bites off Frodo’s finger which holds the ring. They struggle and finally Frodo pushes Gollum over the edge.
Falling a far distance, Gollum is not afraid; he is too entranced in the satisfaction of holding the “precious” ring once again. He doesn’t realize his fate until the lava begins to overtake him and he sinks to his death. With the destruction of the ring, the mountain begins to cave all around them.
Frodo and Sam escape to a sturdy precipice where they await what they assume is their impending death. Frodo tells Sam that he can remember, now, the things of the Shire. Eagles swoop down, saving Frodo and Sam from death and they are returned to their friends and, eventually, to the Shire.
The entire journey, the entire 11 1/2 hours of the extended edition film series, all Frodo and his companions can think about is destroying this ring. It is a burden. While not a large object, it becomes personified and the weight of it nearly drives Frodo and his companions crazy; others’ desire for it nearly kills Frodo. So why, at the hour of glory, does Frodo want to keep the ring? Why does he hesitate to throw into into the Crack of Doom? I think that carrying it with him for so long in this mentally, physically, and emotionally draining journey, it’s power got the better of him and he was scared to let go.
How many times have I had the chance to let go of a burden only to grab it back and say, “No! It’s mine!”? How many times have I been engaged with an unhealthy relationship, an unhealthy activity, an addiction, a pattern of sin which was destroying me little by little from the inside out, distancing me from God and others. How many times have the burdens I’ve carried affected the lives of those around me; hurt the people I loved and drew them away from God, rather than pointed them toward Him? How many times have I been playing a seemingly innocent game with my life only to let it go too far and step over the edge?
My Dad was right, if I had just let go, the water would have cushioned my fall and I could have swam safely to the shore. If Frodo had just thrown the ring into the Crack of Doom, he wouldn’t have lost his finger. If Gollum had realized the consequences of having possession of the ring, he wouldn’t have been forced over the edge to his death.
If we could just let go of the sin which so easily entangles us and trust our Savior, Creator, God, we could be freed of so many of our burdens and be able to experience the joys of the abundant life God gave us through the forgiveness of His Son, Jesus Christ.
Letting go is painful but not as painful as hanging on. What burden do you need to let go of today?
If you want to reach out for help but don’t know where to turn, please contact me.
I have always been accused of being, “sensitive.” It’s a labeled I’ve carried well just because it was how I was labeled. It’s a label I’ve denied, trying to overcome in my own power. It’s a label I’ve searched deep and high and far and wide for reasons and meaning. Up and down my whole life, it’s amazing to see how many different things can contribute to my mood. I can cry at the drop of a hat and not even know why. I can slump into a stupor, like a vegetable on the outside but one wrongly imprisoned on the inside.Continue reading “The “Sensitive” One: My Lifelong Journey of Depression”
One thing I dislike about being married is the extra dishes in the sink. However, one thing I really like about being married is having someone to care for.
Before I got married I didn’t really enjoy doing things around the house like cleaning the bathroom or vacuuming. I always, always, always, detested doing the dishes but I did them anyway because, well, rotten food stinks. I still dislike doing the dishes but now I do them for more than just the smell of a clean kitchen. I do the dishes because my husband works really hard, comes home really tired. The only reason I could ever like doing dishes or cleaning the bathroom is because it is a way I can serve the man that works so hard to provide the bulk of our income. I feel very fortunate that I can work part time and spend the rest of my time keeping the house, or as I like to say, “doing wifely things.”
This week we are moving to a new house. Currently we live in a two bedroom, one bathroom mobile home. That’s pretty much it. There is no modern conveniences. We don’t have a clothes washer or dryer. Coin laundry it is! We don’t have a dishwasher; even more reason for disliking dishes. We don’t have a garbage disposal. We don’t even have one of those sink hoses with the spray attachment next to the kitchen faucet. My whole life I’ve always had access to those things and yet for the past six months, I feel like I’ve been living in the stone age. Moving to the new house, we have three bedrooms, two and a half baths, brand new refrigerator, washer, and dryer. We have a dishwasher, garbage disposal AND even the sink sprayer.
As I go between the two houses during this move I think to myself, “I am never going to take for granted having a dishwasher and clothes washer and dryer ever again!” However, in the back of my mind I wonder if I’m really going to live up to that vow.
When I was in Indonesia, there were so many things that I became thankful for. In my last week there I experienced some of the poorest people I’ve ever met (see my post on week three of A Journey Overseas). I spent a few days with some families who live in a slum village. The houses didn’t belong to those who lived in them and they didn’t pay rent. They are squatters. The streets are lined with sewers; as in you better watch where you are walking otherwise you’ll step right in the flowing stream of stinky goop which foamed and bubbled and carried trash throughout the village. These are the same streets where the children play. Needless to say, these people had none of the modern conveniences which I so long for, nor do most of them have access to clean running water or even a toilet. Yet, I stand at my kitchen sink washing the dinner dishes with a full stomach and my attitude stinks just about as bad as the sewers did.
My husband, Andrew, and I are extremely fortunate to be moving into this house. We could never afford to rent, much less own, a house as nice as the one we are moving into. It is through a blessed circumstance, and the generosity of people who care about us, that we are able to move into this house for just the cost of the ongoing expenses of the home.
I have had many conversations with God about this house. The one we have most often is that I not take my life for granted. I can have a really hard time remembering that the treasures I have, the money in my bank account, the house I live in and the car I drive are not my own but they are the Lord’s for it is He that provided them to me. It is really easy for me to look at my friend’s homes or cars or lifestyles and want what they have and wonder what I did to deserve the crummy life I have. I look at where I’m going and I look at where I am and I realize that my life isn’t as bad as I thought. Living in the mobile home is helping me to see the true blessing of this new house. Then I think back to the families in the slums of Indonesia and I think, even the mobile home that I have lived in for the past six months has been a huge blessing. I continue to pray that I would be reminded of that every day.
The first day of the year is just a day. It’s also a reason to look back and contemplate the year’s past and to have renewed hope for the year to come. January first, 2012 had especially high hopes for me as I had been married all of two days. Having my husband by my side made all the difference this year. I know it would sound better if I said, “God and my husband,” but the truth is that God is always there and has been all my life. Sure, I’m learning to trust Him more but I’m always learning to trust Him more. This year was different because I also had my husband to lean on. I believe that God provided Andrew to me for the leaning and it made all the difference. It was a hard year which ended in a depression.Continue reading “Unknown”
